Whoops

Had a really good weekend which i will blog about another time but for now ill post about the events that took place about one hour after publishing my last blog entry. I won't write too much because the pictures basically tell the story but at about 5am on Wednesday morning i decided to sit on my glass coffee table. Basically i was kinda boxed in so instead of moving the table to one side i thought i would kinda hop over it lol. Obv the thin sheet of glass couldn't handle the pressure of my man boobs and i fell clean through two sheets of glass. The table broke into thousands of pieces all over the floor and I sliced the sole of my right foot open which was quite nasty but i was lucky not to do myself more damage tbh. I could have ended up cutting my wrists or even worse ended up with a piece of glass up my arsehole. So there i am at fooking 5am after an 8 hr sesh online sat on my jack jones covered in glass. I actually sat there in the glass for a good 5 mins in a kinda semi shock like state. WTF am i doing???





I text Scotch to tell him to be prepared for a bit of mess and that i'd had a small accident and not gone on raging tilt and smashed the flat up. In hindsight thou it would have been much better if I'd have waited for him to come home and smeared a bit of claret on my face and pretended to be unconscious or summat. The ginger fish would have shit himself lol. Anyways i wont be sitting on any glass tables in the future thats for sure, laters!
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Live Blogging

Playing a ton of tourns tonight, about $1k worth of Buyin's depending on rebuys which is quite big for a small fishay like me. Haven't played much in last few days as i have been struck down with the dreaded man flu. Played a few games on Sunday and managed a 3rd in the $25 DS for a small profit on the day. Here's the schedule for tonight on ipoker and Party.


Gonna post my results in this entry as and when i bust. Please let me run golden!!!

First bust out of the night. 44/106 in the 10k gtd $109 on pp. One limper and i blast 10 bigs in the sb with 66. The limper who has about 11 bigs decides to call with A3, wp sir.

FMFL! Here we go. $10k gtd $22r i have decent chips and peel in the CO with 33. Flop 38A two clubs. Theres a bet, an allin from a shortie and i shove in 25k playing 300/600. Called by A10cc. Turn 10 river 10! Pot for huge chip lead. FUCK OFF 97/179. dsfgjtrewaertyui

Weeeeeeeeeeeee. WestHam beating Bolton 1-0 away in the Carling Cup. Wemblay Wemblay!

Fuck off Kevin Davies

Just won a redic pot in the $100 DS for CL. Playing 2.5k at 20/40. ep fish makes it 160 and gets 5 callers. I just jam AA hoping to look weak called by KK, 1010 and 45 (wtf)

Sigh, the hammers lost 3-1 aet. Currently 10 tarbling.

Busted the hi/lo making a tez play 35/111

Busted a $5k gtd AK v AQ. Q on river obv. Finding things tough atm.

Busted one of the redic field rebuys on ipoker.

Just busted another, fuck knows which one, playing too many tarbs tbh.

Fuck it! Just busted the $55 on pp in 11th. I was 2/11 then lost with Q8 v A4ss after making 3 queens then gambled with QJ and lost vrs 1010 getting well over 3/1. Then shoved 66 into AA. BOLLOCKS! Also just cashed in the $8r losing AK v QQ for loadsa chips. Gutted about the $55, $5.2k uptop and i was 2/11. Busted loads of other games as well mainly with the usual 3 out shizzle lol. iutryfyrrytyuiukl

Losing key races, currently 2 tarbling the $100 on both pp and ipoker :-(

Busted the $100 DS in 22nd, top 20 cash. Lost KK v 99 then shoved QJ into 99 and lost again. Last game left is the $109 $12k gtd on pp currently 9/25. Please god.

Final tarb of the $12k gtd coming in 5/10. I think i need at least a 6th to show some prof for the night. One mother fkin time!

Sigh, busted it in 6th for $720. Shiiiip the 50 doll profit for the day! lol. If a couple more keys hands would have held and i didn't have that bad luck/blow up in the $55 $20k gtd to go from 2/11 to busto in 11th then it could have been a very good night. Really enjoyed playing this schedule though and hand on heart would have said the same if I'd have lost $500-800 on the night. I think the total buyins for these games would normally be about $1-1.3k because i think i ran quite good on rebuys. Gonna tinker with the schedule a wee bit and get rid of some of the shitty little games then play it again. Night.

Poker Mojo Returning???

No nasty images in this post just a quick update after a good night on the tarbs yesterday night. Following on from my 4th in the $50f and 6th in the $30f on ipoker i managed to place 2/187 in the same $50f for $1.5k. I had a nice CL head up as well but the bastard got it back and we had exactly the same stacks when the poker gods decided to shit on my face and flop me a Qhi str8 on an J109 all heart board and my opponent the nut flush. I had the queen of hearts as well for the str8 floosh draw, dont think i could have escaped that one tbh esp with such shallow stacks. I also managed a 3/347 in the $7r for $610 although i can't remember my exit so it probably wasn't an ice cold deck or a bad beat. I almost made a few more final tarbles finishing 28/575 in a $5r and a 13/339 in a $20f where i really fucked things up. I could have sat out and finished about 5th tbf but decided to call a shove bvb from the tighest cunt on the tarble with the mightay K5o and then shoved about 12 bigs UTG with KQ, wp Jones you cock! Can't complain though and the month is turning into another good one after a really terrible start.
I have actually been quite enjoying my poker of late and i think my mojo is slowly returning. Of course it helps that i am winning but i think the main reason i am winning is because i am actually playing a decent amount of volume which always helps! :-) One thing that has definitely got me playing more is the fact that i now have a sort of semi little poker office in my lounge with my lappy and attached screen on a computer desk in the corner. For years i have played poker sat on my sofa usually in a horizontal position with one eye on the box but finally after chatting to Scotch about my lack of motivation last month i seem to have adopted a small amount of professionalism into my poker playing. There is still a long looong way to go because i could easily play at least double the volume that i have been but since my win at DTD last month things have gone quite well. Probably gonna play loads more tourns on ipoker next week so watch out for the starfish. Also going to the Empire on Friday for the Caesars Cup to catch up with one of the orginal and best bloggers out there Yorky Pud. For all the lastest info on The WSOPE check this link out WSOPE UPDATES Laters!

starfishFTW

Nice image of the errrr starfish i'm sure you will agree although it has nothing to do with this short sharp entry, I just thought i would post the image to add a bit of colour to my blog :-) StarfishFTW is the user name of my new ipoker account on CelebPoker. I basically had 100 euros in there since it switched over from the boss network and thus decided to play a couple of small mtt's on there this week. I played the $27, $33 and $55 deepstack games making two final tarbs which is pretty decent. I finished 6/178 in the $33 losing three fooking flips and also placed 4/161 in the $55 losing with AK v Q9 vrs some super aggy cooount who 3 bet me aifp. I flopped a king as well but his Q9 made a straight, SLUT! Win that and i prolly win the lot, sigh. Nevertheless i'm quite content with a 550 euro profit from them three little tourns. Also made a few bits and bobs from 45 manners and 6max games on ftp so everything is still ticking along ok. My current horsay and gd friend Adam 'i got nuttin2lose apart my marbles' Bell has also run golden recently and made me a few more hundred dollario to add to Amatay's empire, well played fish. Time for shut eye, laters.

"Agony"

The title of this current blog post is somewhat extreme to say the least but basically i have been laid up on my sofa all day battered and bruised from another game of Sunday league footy this morning. We managed to grind out another 1-1 draw despite being outplayed all over the park and i've got lumps bumps and cuts all over my fucking legs. I played an absolute shocker today and never got into the game at all, i was really shit. One of the big fk off bumps came from some little bastard who basically just danced around me like i weren't there so i decided to take the little coount out and done myself some damage. The other career threatening injury i have is one of those bastard grass burns on my left kneecap, i hate those mother fucking things they bloody kill. I've not had a shower all day and im lying here stinking of sweat and piss but i don't wanna get in the shower because i know its gonna sting like fuck. I think I could be out for the season with this injury tbh. Despite the agony i have still put myself through the pain barrier today to put in some insane volume! I played three $33 6 max SnGay's, a $10r PLO tourn and a $5 HU tourny with a few of the RTR fish so its been an intense day at the tarbles! Played a few of these 6 max things recently and they have gone well but i only won one of them today. I busted the 10r deepish in crazy fashion for top 5 in chips vrs some absolute plum and also and made the final of the HU tourn, congrats to zagga who shipped it.
I played alot more poker on Friday winning another $700 to continue the gd run from the previous three days that i blogged about in my last boring post. I'll have another quick moan as usual because despite winning 2k over four days i still feel like im running bad lol. According to OPR i have finished in the top ten 46 times in the faggot $26 45 manners but have only won three fooking times. Been getting my bottom raped HU as well mainly because the blinds get too big and its tough to play flops and these idiots just donk it in pre and massively overplay their shitty ace rags type hands. Nevvvvermind, running decent just to get there i suppose.
Didn't play any pokes on Saturday because i went to Wembley to watch Saracens v Northampton with my bird and a few of her mates because kels got some free tickets. That dance group Diversity also threw some mad shapes before the game as well which was quite cool. It mbn to be able to dance that like, it would be sooo easy to pulls birds imo. Just do a bit of all that robot shit do the caterpillar the moon walk and a few other moves and bob's your uncle you will probably be getting your willy sucked before midnight unless you are a complete knob to chat too. I know very little about ruggers but it was summat to do and it was nice to see the new stadium which was immense. Despite my lack of knowledge i managed to make a few quid with some tiny interest bets wagering £5 on the 1st try scorer at 12/1 and a £10 bet on a Saracens HT/FT at 11/8, weeee.
LOL, just about to wrap up this latest installment into my 'balla' lifestyle and publish this bard boi post when i just googled the word agony to come up with an appropriate image to go with the post title and that picture of some bird looking like she's being rooted popped up on the first page so i thought that will do :-) I love that look on a birds face, when they are in the throes of sexual ecstasy, its like a beautiful agony. Right, i suppose I'll have to go and put myself through the pain barrier once again and have a shower before i get some shuteye, my knob is starting to smell, laters fish.

The Past Week...

WARNING! This is a really boring post, nothing to exciting to report. I took four days off after last Thurs and on Fri i went to Luton Casino to play their £75 mr freeze which obv isn't strictly a night off. Busted that in nowhere getting shortish then losing a race with pock neufs. Saturday i went to my mate Mizons gaff for a BBQ and the England friendly with a load of chums which was a good crack and then later met up with the missus for cosy Saturday night rumpage. Sunday morning i played for my footy team which almost killed me. I played a full 90 and both myself and the team played well for the first 45 mins and we were winning 1-0. However, i barely touched the ball 2nd half and at one point i thought i was gonna pass ooot. Half our team were fooked and we got battered tbh but managed to hang on for a 1-1. Monday and Wednesday i spent some more time with the bird for more bloways and pooompage and today i played some Squash with my mate Gazza. I've also had time for some pokes on Tues, Wed and Thur. I still feel like i am running well below expectation but i managed to win about $1.2k over that time which is better than nothing init. Srsly feeling hard done by atm but whatever, i'll plough on. That's about it for now, laters.

Gonna Have a Break (Down)

FUCK MY ENTIRE LIFE! I just shizzed off another chunk of change, it has been soo soooo siiiiik the last 24 hrs. How i have lost sooo much playing these mickey mouse 45 manner games is beyond me. Two and three outays all over the fkin shop, its unreal. I can't win a key flip to save my life either and when i get it in as a dog i never ever evvvvvver seem to get there. Even when i have a hand some slutpig has a better one. Jeeeeeeeebus! I need a short break i think or i am gonna go insane. How do people like Kennl and Moorman play so much? I am sooo bad at coping with the downswings. Its not i am losing millions either but it still hurts. Fucks sake, can you fish feel my pain??? If so please provide me with some much needed support and send any donations to the Amatay Foundation, Amatay on ftp or Simonjjj on Stars pls. The beats have been sooo redic that i am starting to play shit too, over playing certain hands pre flop and calling off too light in some spots. I used to argue with people that there is some room for pre flop play in these games instead of donking in it pre flop but now i am doing exactly that and have become a fkin push fold prick! Arrrghhh ergteirjfriocja[riciorhjxajikuyrfdgrththyjukileIODJXWIO.
On a positive note my latest horsay and good friend Adam 'i got nuttin2lose except countless five figure rolls plus my sanity and general all round mental and physical health' Bellamontation just made me $400, cheers mate! Oh yeah, i also shipped another UK Gatsby Award last month, whooopay fkin do! I think thats my 5th Gatsby Award and a world record? Shame the geordie fish don't give out cash prizes innit. Joking aside i am really fked off and tired, gd fuckin night.

Small Kick in the Nootlings

Just managed to dust off 800 doll after playing about 50 odd of them stupid $26 45 manners. Its only a minor kick in the nuts i guess but i am still a bit pissed off. I don't think i have ever run so sick in such a short space of time like i did tonight in these games. It genuinely seemed like every time i had a hand like QQ KK vrs Ax aipf the motherlicker would hit the fucking ace whether it would be on the flop turn or river. Everything went wrong tbh. Maybe i was playing a bit too fast in reflection and donking it in pre with decent pairs and aces but it was still pretty sickening. One thing i do know is that the skill level i used to play these games at has definitely decreased significantly because i'm now 12 tabling them whereas i used to play 4-9 tarbs and concentrate more on each specific game. This is reflected in my dwindling ROI from 40% to what is now probably something like 30%. Maybe its just standard variance? 30+ ROI's are probably unsustainable in the long run anyways especially if you are multi tabling. In truth I have become a bit of a robot recently and i guess i need to workout whether its more profitable to play 12 tarbs like a donkey or 6-9 with more focus. At the end of the day its not about nice ROI's its about winrates and making some moola. Sighhhhhhh, what a load of BOLLOCKS!