Amatay's Blog

How To Treat A lady

2012-01-19T14:31:00.004Z

I've got sooo much to blog about but being really lazy atm but i am still alive and well and thought i'd post this up. Fkin hilar!!!

Monkeying Around In Phuket

2011-12-01T11:41:00.001Z

This stuff happened about a week ago and ALOT has happened since which i will blog about soon. Loadsa of pics and vids in this post, check it.........

http://www.pokerencore.com/blogs/2011/12/monkeying-around-in-phuket/

Karl Mahrenholz Giving 15% of Himself Away in GUKPT Main Event!

2011-11-29T04:42:00.001Z

The GUKPT Grand final starts at the Vic this Thursday. Karl Mahrenholz has decided to give away 15% of himself in this £2,500 event.

To win some of it all you need to do is play a $5 tournament this Wednesday on Poker Encore. All the money collected is paid out on top of the added prizes.

1^st place will receive 10% of my action this week, 2^nd place will receive 5%

There are currently zero players registered. It might be worth 5 minutes of your time to check it out, considering these prizes could be worth over £20,000

Full details are here.

The Most Depraved Place on the Planet!

2011-11-21T12:28:00.002Z

Another night out in crazy Patong...

http://www.pokerencore.com/blogs/2011/11/the-most-depraved-place-on-the-planet/

Also been on a couple of wicked days out since Patong to Phuket Zoo and then on a Boat Trip to Phi Phi. Really good fun, will blog about them soon!

Disgusting Henry

2011-11-18T11:59:00.001Z

New addition to the house for 3 wks, check it....

http://www.pokerencore.com/blogs/2011/11/disgusting-henry/

So What's Been Happening...

2011-11-08T15:55:00.001Z

New post up on Poker Encore, check it...

http://www.pokerencore.com/blogs/2011/11/so-whats-been-happening/

Tough Start to the Week!

2011-10-17T12:46:00.002Z

Thought i'd write a quick blog post complete with a few snaps as i had 10 mins to spare in my redic busy life today, check it....

http://www.pokerencore.com/blogs/2011/10/tough-start-to-the-week/

Bizarre Poker Dreams/Nightmares

2011-10-12T11:39:00.002Z

I usually don't remember too many dreams/nightmares, its either that or i wake up in a small wet sticky patch with a stonking 12 inches :) Anyways, i had a strange one just after waking up today that i thought i'd quickly share....

I was playing in this years WSOP although this particular WSOP had a twist! Its was event no. 128 which at the time i thought to be the head up Blackjack event. I was drawn against Barry Greenstein in round one. It was best of three and Bazza comfortably beat me 2-0, sigh. However, it wasn't until the last hand of the 2nd game that i'd realised that it wasn't the HU Blackjack event but that it was in fact the HU mixed game event, mega sigh. The first game was called Raggy Doll and Baz pwned me real hard in that one and the 2nd game was limit holdem. I hazily remember sticking on K9 and Bazza somehow beat me with 88. I was like wtf? k9 is better than 88 in Blackjack? We had to get the tournament director over which was obviously Kathy Liebert?? wtfff? and she explained that it was the HU mixed game event and not Blackjack! ytrdgfkyugjkhjoiljk

Anyone got any random dreams they remember?

EDIT: LOL, just remembered another poker nightmare i had years ago that i posted on my blog about David Benaymine wanting sexual favours, check this out...

http://amatay.blogspot.com/2007/04/another-nightmare-but-not-at-tables.html

Everything ok ish in Thailand atm btw despite doing my back in. Just want the rain the fuck off!

Crazy Tilt & Goal Crazy!

2011-09-23T12:09:00.001Z

Time to sort it out Jones!!!

http://www.pokerencore.com/blogs/2011/09/crazy-tilt-goal-crazy/

Settling In

2011-09-20T09:54:00.003Z

So far we've not done too much really so if people are hoping to read stories about me drunkenly rumping lady boys in Patong then you're gonna be disappointed, there's plenty of time for that :) Also, the weather has been pretty shit because we are in the middle of the wet season atm so the area is pretty quiet too and probs will be until November time. I'm in no rush thou as I've been here before plus this is kind of a different trip to other travels I've been on so far. I need to work/play poker at the same time. I'm here for at least 6 months so there is more than enough time for me to do everything i want and more ;)

Here's a link to my second post from Thailand on PokerEncore complete with a pic of my new wheels, my new poker set up and my new pet posing with a lizard, check it...

http://www.pokerencore.com/blogs/2011/09/settling-in/

My New Home

2011-09-12T10:50:00.003Z

First blog post all the way from Phuket complete with a quick video tour of our new gaff. I think the only reason i got the master room was because Cos spotted a tiny Geeko lizard when we were being shown around and the fish abs shit himself! He's scared of everything that boy. The other day he was on the back of my scootay and i slowed down next to some wild dogs just to shit him up abit ;) and he was like arrrrgh go faster Amatay their gonna attack us go faster. Pretty sure its the only time he's told me to go faster on the scootay, usually its sloooow down Amatay, watch out for the bump, slow, slow etc etc. Driving past a piece of wood yesterday he shat himself because he thought it was a snake, lolz. Speaking of snakes the greek fish went for a dip in the pool the other night and snap got out about 2 seconds later claiming he couldnt see in the water and that he was worried a water snake might grab him. lol, straight up, no jokes. The fish freaks out at everything! Just a minute ago we emptied the bin and there was a lizard in there. I've never the fish run so fast in my life. He shot out the door screaming like a lil girl. Fkin pmsl! Anyways, click the link below and check out the new crib on POKER ENCORE!

http://www.pokerencore.com/blogs/2011/09/my-new-home/

Amatay Archives #4 - My First Month as a 'Pro'

2011-09-11T07:12:00.003Z

Scanning my previous posts last week when i clicked on January 2008 and came across 18 posts from that month alone! I used to update this thing tons back then plus i got a shit load of comments and i also really enjoyed blogging. I quit my job in Dec 2007 so this was my first month as a full time fish. Some of them are quite funny imo, its a pretty childish style of writing i have and its always strange for me to read back over these posts. I was a cash game fish back then and my style of play and deffo my mindset has changed alot since. Anyways, feel free to take a peak at what i was doing 3 and a half yrs ago, lolz.

http://amatay.blogspot.com/2008_01_01_archive.html

I have a new post written from my new home in Phuket but i'm waitng for it go up onto Encore so until then enjoy some Amatay 'classics' ;)

Moving On

2011-09-06T11:00:00.004Z

New blog post up on Poker Encore today about moving out of my flat and travelling. I fly tomorrow at 9.30pm! Been crazy busy last few wks which is very unlike me, almost sorted now thou. Excited but also kinda nervous atm. Lets gogogoooo!

http://www.pokerencore.com/blogs/2011/09/moving-on/

If anyone wants to sign upto Poker Encore btw, click the small banner top right and use the code Amatay and tell me your username. I can sort you mad/crazy deals. Hit me up if you have any questions, laters!

Amatay Archives #3 - Bust

2011-08-31T18:52:00.004Z

Gonna put this epic bluff in at number 3 i think. Its not a great read tbh, its just i managed to blag sooo many people. I had been a 'pro' fish for about 3 months prior to this post and decided to try and fool some of my fishay fanboys on April 1st 2008. I made up some story about me going busto, edited some HH's and got my mate Adam to add a bit of authenticity in the comments section, geeeeeenius! I also put comment moderation on and only posted the comments of those who fell for it before posting the rest. lol @ over 100 comments within 24 hrs, surely an unprecedented number in the world of poker blogging? This is when i was at the peak of my powers babay!

http://amatay.blogspot.com/2008/04/bust.html

Had a really stressful last couple of weeks in regards to moving and other stuff, will write an Encore blog before i jet off to Thailand in 1 week!!!!

Amatay Archives #2 - The Pitfalls of Multi-tabling

2011-08-28T11:38:00.002Z

Remember the days before sync breaks? WTF did we used to do back then when nature called? Well here's the strategy i used detailed in my blog from January 2009 :) This post was pretty popular back then and was praised on the 2+2 forums and even featured on Poker News, check it....

http://amatay.blogspot.com/2009/01/pitfalls-of-multi-tabling.html

Haha, check out some of the comments to, man i used to get loads! Cadmunkey's comment made me laugh, its very true :) I wondered what happened to that little minstrel?

Amatay Archives #1 - Your Blogging Messiah

2011-08-26T11:23:00.004Z

New series fishays, Amatay Archives! Just been trolling through a couple of my old blogs so i'd thought i'd start reposting some of my dribble from previous posts mainly because of a lack of material and also partly because i'm too lazy/busy to blog right now what with moving in preparation for Thailand. Its crazy to think that i've been writing this shizz since Feb 2006, fml where has the time gone?

Here's the first edition to the Amatay Archive collection featuring my old 'buddy' Platonic and his girlfriend. It tells the story of how i rocketed to Fame in Oct 2008, appearing on Sky Poker and tales of rumpage with a bride to be and a maid of honour, enjoy....

http://amatay.blogspot.com/2008/10/your-blogging-messiah-lol.html

There will be a new post on my Poker Encore blog soon about how i recently found out that i've been living in a death trap for the last few years plus more Amatay binkage, laters ;)

Living With Greekstein

2011-08-15T14:45:00.003Z

A few wks ago Cos aka Greekstein came to live with me for about a week. He's a small glimpse into the life of the little fishay written in my Poker Encore blog, check it...

http://www.pokerencore.com/blogs/2011/08/living-with-greekstein/

Making Finals For Fun

2011-08-01T10:47:00.004Z

New blog post on Poker Encore about my results in July plus a brief mention of a day out i spent in London complete with pictorals, check it...

http://www.pokerencore.com/blogs/2011/08/making-finals-for-fun/

Istanbul With The Lads

2011-07-26T19:50:00.003Z

Waaaay behind on writing this blog atm, here's a brief post from about a month ago on my Encore blog, click link. Since Turkey, I've had a few good wins under my belt winning $8.5k so far this month and had a few top days/nights out, there's gonna be lots of posts in the next couple of weeks. Lots of good things happening to me atm and Thailand is only about 5-6 weeks aways, weeeeeeeeeee!

http://www.pokerencore.com/blogs/2011/07/istanbul-with-the-lads/

LOL Message to Adam Bell

2011-07-08T16:54:00.009Z

Thought of you when i watched this, you are a Mental game fish :) Oh and get in touch with me please you bastard!!!

I brought this book a while ago actually although i have only read a few chapters thus far (been too lazy) but i reckon it would be really helpful to alot of players and well worth a purchase imo. Barry Carter has promised me a short session with Jared actually to help me conquer some of my demons like my constant motivational issues and my low gulp limit. If that does happen details of which will be posted up on my Encore blog complete with an audio recording.

I still haven't blogged about my trip to Turkey yet (will do in a few days) plus i have got some other stuff to blog about like a random meet up with my Turkish Delight (<-- read that prev post, its hilar imo) for a day in London recently which was really fun. On the few days that i have played poker its been really frustrating but slightly more up than down i guess. Apparently Greekstein is gonna come live with me for a month when he gets back from Vegas. If that happens it will be good for both of us imo. He can really help motivate me to play and the company will be nice. My flat has been pretty quiet since Scotchy move out last year. Oh i went out in town with that fish the other night, good to see you Scotchy! Lots going on, got tons of stuff to write about and there will be a few more posts very very soon x x x

EDIT: [ ] Interesting story from tonight, check it Oh and sign up to RTR aswell, great little forum. Sign upto Poker Encore too, wicked site run by good people. Click the banner top right and use the code Amatay and i'll sort you with some mad deals ;)

Mini Rant!

2011-06-24T11:00:00.003Z

Wrote this post over 2 weeks ago but it never got published. Since then i've been an a epic one week holiday in Istanbul with all the lads for my mates Mizons wedding. It was superb and just what i needed. Will write a blog about that and my plans for the next two months before moving out to Thailand in early Sept soon.

FML, poker is such a bastard sometimes. I've played a bunch of tourns in the last three days with little reward despite a ton of deep runs. On Tues, i managed to make five finals from about 20 odd comps, however i never really got into the decent money with the best results being a 3rd in a $50f for $1k and a 6th in a $30r for 700ish. I ended the night with a 1.8k profit but it should/could nearly have been anywhere between $6/8k. Wednesday i played a smaller session and again had a few deepish runs in some smaller stuff but finished down about three hundo. Tonight was fucking insane, ahhhh i'm still pissed off now tbh. I regged for around 25 comps but had to unreg about 8 of them because i was running and playing really well and at one point had 15 comps on the go and i can't handle that much tbh. Things then just fell apart and despite having stacks all over the place i didn't make one fooking final, abs brutal!

Things went from this....

...to this in about 2 hrs, fml...

Ended up with about $1k profit from the three days but that's not good enough especially having been pretty deep in alot of the games. I'm really starting to feel the pressure abit recently actually and my life roll is as low as i can remember it for a while, probably 4-5 yrs. This is due to a number of reasons....

Obv my volume is terrible, perhaps this is the kick up the ass i need? I haven't ran too good, (i hate that excuse) plus poker is tough these days and its gets harder and harder to make $$$ esp given my volume levels. I've had alot of trips abroad in the last 2 yrs which i don't regret one abit, its been amazing but these have taken their toll on my finances, plus i've also been hit with alot of unexpected bills. I obv don't receive any rent ££ from Scotch anymore since he moved out last yr and that's had an impact. I also used to make some nice pocket money from this blog and selling the occasional link or two, but haven't made a penny from that stuff for at least 6 months. My stakes i have brought recently in various fish haven't produced any results plus my horse is in $1.8k mu and owes me $700. I also have a friend who owes me around $3.5k and has done so for a loooong time despite me helping him out on numerous occasions. Adam i understand you're prolly in the shit atm but will you please get in contact with me at least out of respect if nothing else, you know how to get in touch. I can help you (again), trust me. Right, thats enough bullshit, back to Redtube. Cue the Amatay's going busto comments... :)

Ship The Villa!

2011-06-06T11:25:00.010Z

Weeeeeeeeee, just pretty much secured a 6 month rental on this gaff from the first week of Sept in Phuket, Thailand. Its next to the same one as Joel (Jcar9271) lived in earlier this year with his wife. I met Joel who's a good lad when i was out there in Feb with Daledonksu and he's given me tons of sound advice, cheers mate! I've also stolen his fb pics for this post :)

The general plan is to use this villa as a our base in Thailand where we hope to relax, continue to earn a living online, go to the gym, meet new people and enjoy the sun, beach and basically live a nice life :) During the 6 months we also plan to backpack around most of Thailand and explore some of the other Islands and we will also be occasionally jetting off to other countries. After the 6 months we'll see? Hopefully we will go elsewhere and i'd particularly like to check out parts of South America, like Brazil, Costa Rica, Paraguay etc. Maybe finish our trip in Las Vegas for the 2012 WSOP and ship another balla apartment out there for 4 weeks or something, that would be the bollocks but we'll plan that nearer the time.

I'm going to rent my 2 bedroom flat out in Watford for a year anyways and tbh i don't think i will ever live here again and continue to rent it out and stay with friends when i get back to England, plans to do this already started last week. The villa has 3 bedrooms and sleeps five people apparently so anyone who we know and like is invited to come out for a free stay. Were not allowed to invite big groups and its quite a peaceful resort but there's lots of crazy action nearby. I know Brighton bummer Cogs has already reserved a spot in late Oct/early Nov. Oh, im travelling with that plum Cos btw (Greekstein), should be fun. Oh another thing is the cost of living here. It works out at about £350 each per month, lmfao!!! Weeeeeeeeeee.

Cringe & Chuckle

2011-06-01T10:14:00.004Z

My blog feautures in this months edition of Poker Player Magazine. lol @ the article written.

http://www.pokerencore.com/blogs/2011/06/cringe-chuckle/

Latvia Stag Do

2011-05-22T21:46:00.003Z

Brief trip report on another stag do i went to a few weeks ago and also a bit about some recent poker stuff.

http://www.pokerencore.com/blogs/2011/05/latvia-stag-do/

Absolutely Gutted! :(

2011-05-15T19:50:00.002Z

WestHam United were relegated today and tbh i am fucking choked. I was ok earlier today because in my head we were pretty much relegated. Then we get a lifeline/miracle with us beating Wigan 2-0 away at HT, brum getting canned at home to Fulham with Brum and Blackpool facing tough last games vrs Spurs and Man U and us with a seemingly 'easy' game at home vrs Sunderland. However, in true WestHam style we fucked it big time like we always fucking do and lost 3-2, fml!

It was incredible watching Gillette Soccer Special in the last ten minutes, i'm in shock. The game sounded incredible! What a bunch of fucking cunts!! Proper choked :( Arrrrrghhhh i hate that fucking shit Championship cunty league, its tez. As far as i'm concerned the Prem just won't seem the same next year (maybe longer) without my hammers in there. What a bunch of cunts apart from Scott Parker obv. There are sooo many people responsible for this. The board and cunts like Gold, Sullivan, Brady etc for a terrible terrible appointment of manager. I told everyone at the start of the season that we might go down and that Avram was the worst manager ever. There's nothing about him, who would want to play for that mug? Can you imagine him motivating you to perform at your best? What a wanker!!!

The players have been shocking aswell, where to start? Everyone of em!!! Carlton Cole is the player who tilts me the most! You see glimpses of what he can do maybe once every 15 games and when i say glimpses its just an occasional flash. The rest of the time he's an absolute tosser who he is not capable of controlling and passing a football. The geezer is a terrible terrible footballer. How did that clown ever become a pro? I fucking HATE Gabbidon aswell, what a donkey, a fking joke player, a fking shambles! Then theres the lol players like Benni McCarthey etc etc. Arrrrrrrrrrrgh ghghuirgiugchrjvfkjheoihjtrfsdljk. I can't fucking believe it, what a way to get relegated. The sick thing is i still strongly believe that there is at least 3 worst teams in the league than WestHam and yet we sit rock bottom. If someone else was in charge of the same group of players no way we would go down imo. Can you imagine Martin O'Neill in charge of them bunch of tossers? Ultimately its comes down to Arvam and the cunts who employed him but the players are still a bunch of cunts as well for a pathetic season. Fucking gutted :(

Fans are already mentioning O'Neill to take over but would he want a Championship job? Some tools on SS are also talking about Neil Warnock!!! WTF!!! Are you thick you bunch of cunts? Having said that he would do a good job. I'd be willing to put money on someone like Chris Hughton who played for WestHam and won the Championship with Newcastle last year or maybe Malky Mckay who also played for us and has done great things with Watford. I would love O'Neill in charge thou. Arrrgh devastated, but its only football i guess :( Rant over. WHU forever!

Newcastle Stag and Some Online Success

2011-05-03T16:24:00.004Z

New blog post is up which was written last week. Turns out i have another Stag do in Riga Lativa this weekend. Until yesterday i thought it was the following weekend, doh. I have a feeling this one is gonna involve alot more carnage than the visit of Newcastle.

http://www.pokerencore.com/blogs/2011/05/newcastle-stag-and-some-online-success/

The Only Way Is Essex?

2011-04-24T15:21:00.004Z

This was written a week ago. Just got back today from a very messy Stag in Newcastle this weekend plus i've also had some good results on the cyber felt so plenty of stuff to post in my next blog.

http://www.pokerencore.com/blogs/2011/04/the-only-way-is-essex/

WTF! That Donko Amatay is a Sponsored Pro? lolz

2011-04-12T11:20:00.005Z

Yes fish that's right, the rumours are true! Here is the press release from last week, i am now an 'exciting' new pro ;)

http://www.pokerencore.com/newsitem.php?id=7

Here is my first blog post...

http://www.pokerencore.com/blogs/2011/04/wtf-that-donko-amatay-is-a-sponsored-pro-lolz/

Obviously some people are gonna take the piss and i've already receieved a few rubdowns but whatever. Hopefully the future is bright, just need to stem some severe life spewage atm and put the volume in which is/has always been the case.

Kuala Lumpur Trip Report

2011-03-31T19:45:00.013Z

Didn't write up my trip report from Malaysia so gonna put a few words and some snaps together now. Me and Dale where not supposed to be in Malaysia actually as we were meant to leave Macau for the Philippines and then move onto Japan! FUCK ME, glad we changed our itinerary, we literally cancelled our flights the night before and would have been there when the Quake and Tsunami hit, SICK swerve! Could have been GG Amatay and this blog would have turned into some sort of online shrine for all you fanboys to leave messages and pay your respects.

We spent a total of 16 nights in Kuala Lumpur, i can't recall exactly when i went exploring the city so here is just a few bits and pieces on the places i saw on my trip. One thing you can't miss in Kuala Lumpur is the mighty Petronas Towers which until last year was the tallest building is the world. It is a pretty amazing creation tbh, and looks even better at night.

One morning me and Dale went to visit somewhere called the Batu Caves which is basically a temple set high up into limestone caves which was pretty cool. One of the most fun things about this place was a shit load of Monkeys running around everywhere. Proper cheeky little bastards they where, check it...

On another occasion me and the Roxx went to the Worlds biggest walk in free flight aviary which was decent...

The weather was very warm, the people mostly seemd pretty nice aswell. Even the beggers, massage birds and pimps where not as aggressive as they were in some of the other countires we checked out. The shopping is pretty incred aswell, lol....

Other cool stuff i did whilst in Kuala Lumpa was too check out the KL Tower, China Town, Low Yat Plaza and the various shopping malls and markets etc.

Got loadsa cool pics from my time in KL but i've bored you fish with an endless amount of snaps from the past couple of months, so i'll wrap this one up now, short n sweet. Got lots of other stuff to write about since returning home two weeks ago but i will save it for another time, laters.

BTW, apologises for the sudden disappearance of the free porn links down the right hand side. I do realise that this has probably cost me at least 200 hits per day. They will probably be returning soon :)

Daleroxxu: Tilting, ranting and errr rapping!!!

2011-03-17T18:38:00.026Z

Yoyo, Amatation in da house, your numero uno blogging messiah. Back in the UK now and its pretty fucking depressing tbh, although the wheels are already in motion to get the fk out of this country for a much longer period asap. However, until then i've got a couple of cool trips lined up inc two potentially mega messy stag do's in Riga, Latvia and Newcastle as well as a week with the lads in Istanbul, Turkey for my mate Mizons wedding. However, until then operation lock down begins on Sunday/Monday when i'll be getting my nut down and trying to grind the pokerz after having done chunks whilst travelling with Dale and not bothering to earn a penny. Gonna try and really hammer it and match my online idol Fenix who like me usually grinds the softer euro sites and always seems very successful and disciplined in his approach, [ ] i'm looking forward to it. Will blog about the last part of my trip in Kuala Lumpa, Malaysia very soon but until then i'll leave you with some secretly taken video footage of the Roxxu, enjoy ;)

These clips were taken in one of our hotel rooms in Kuala Lumpa. There were sooo many other epic moments that i failed to record but these will have to do.

Clip 1: The Roxxu in disbelief at yet another bad beat. This was pretty common and pretty funny too!

Clip 2: Dale doing a spot rapping to Epitome (aka James Atkin) whilst playing very bad poker. Notice the little rub down i give him at 02:16 :)

Clip 3: lol @ Dale listening to himself in this clip obviously whilst moaning about his 'bad luck' Play better son.

Clip 4: Roxxu the rapper. Its a shame the image is unclear in this clip. Was pretty standard for Dale to mimic his hero James Atkin for most of the trip tbh, no jokes!!

Clip 5: MC Daleroxxu sings his little Scottish heart out to the Proclaimers. LMFAO, pure gold!!!

Couple of quick snaps to 'humiliate' the fish further...

First up a pic of Dale in his spunk stained pants having just accidentally tipped yogurt over himself whilst trying to take off the lid. Nice moobs you fucking donkey!

This pic was posted in my Phuket trip report but is worthy of a second viewing imo. I mean look at him, white and pasty as fook wearing trainers and black socks, wtf. Such a beach noob.

Lastly a pic of that messy bastard Dale sat at his grinding station, will you tidy up ffs you cunt!

Hopefully the fish won't be bothered by this post and find it funny, I'm pretty sure he won't mind and have a giggle? Had a really good trip with Dale, alot of fun and I'm glad i went. Dales a good lad and hopefully we'll meet up again soon, laters.

EDIT: Sigh, i had to delete one of the video clips at Dale's request, it was the funniest clip by a mile aswell :(

Quiz Time (with a prize)!

2011-03-14T18:05:00.005Z

One of these images is of an 80's T.V. legend from the once popular show The A-Team, one is of my buddy Cos (aka Greekstein) and the other is some random bird who wants to meet me from the online dating website Plenty of Fish. Can you match the names to the faces? The first five people to correctly match all three will recieve a $2 stake into a tournament of their choice with a 80/20% split in my favour + stake back. glgl.

A.

B.
C.

Macau Trip Report

2011-03-07T00:42:00.000Z

We got the ferry over from Hong Kong and i was really excited to check out the supposed Las Vegas of the far east and as is always the case i was really looking forward to playing some live poker this time in the Macau Poker Stars Cup. We were planning on staying in Macau for 6 nights and were lucky enough to have our first night comped at the ballin 5* Grand Lisboa. Hotel. Its probably the best hotel room i've stayed in tbh and so i took a few moments to give you fish a glimpse of what its like to be The Amatay (lolz). I wish i had spent more time on the video and done a much better tour now because there were sooo many things i missed like the incred view with awesome pool and the ballin T.V to name just two but check it anyways...

Once we had had finished wanking each other off over how amazing the room was and canned off most of the free mini bar we decided to go for a dip in the pool seeing as we only had the one night at this gaff. The pool was half inside and half outside and me and Roxxu were loving our lives just chillin in this pool and the Sauna/steam room etc so much so that we missed the start of event 1 of the Poker Stars Cup which was a $1000 HKD with 2r which works out about £300. We didn't just miss the first few mins but the whole fooking rb period which was a costly mistake given the tez structure and the softness of the Asian donko's. I ended up sitting for 2 hands before the first break then donating a further two hundo to the prize pool with my two rebuys which left me with about 30 bigs. The tourn was basically a turbo with no antes and just an allin jizz fest and i was quickly at risk holding AK v oppo's JJ. No ace or King for me and i waved goodbye to 300 nugs, thanks for coming.

The remainder of our trip was spent at the hotel next door simply called The Lisboa without the grand bit :( This however was still a ballin hotel although our room werent great which was abit shit. Struggling to remember what i got upto on a day to day basis, errrr tbh there wasnt much to do in Macau. On day 2 i think i had a mince around The Wynn which was nearby and had a cool little fountain display outside abit like The Bellagio in Vegas plus we also checked out the MGM Grand. I also busted event 2 which cost me about £250 ish i think, AQ losing to AJ and A10, fml!

On one evening me and Roxx were wandering around our hotel when we were strangely hit with a seemingly endless stream of good looking Chinese birds, it was like a conveyor belt of smartly/sexily dressed Asian beautays, really strange. Anyways, later that night Nick who i'd previously met in Patong for my b'day and who was also in Macau told us they were all prostitutes, we like WTF and obv went for a closer inspection fully equipped with our cameras. Sure enough these bitches were all still there parading up and down this shopping mall whilst a bunch of dirty old chinky blokes looked on. Apparently the law in Macau is that prostitution is illegal when the girls are just stood in one place but its ok if they are on their own, reeeedic! Here's some footage of the Lisboa whores taken by uncover reportay the Amatay, enjoy....

I didn't play Event 3 and also blew out the main event as live poker was already beginning to piss me off. I'm always the same, i look forward to playing it but when i'm sat at a table full of idiots i realise its fking boring as hell. I think i played event 5 and obv bricked that and faded event 6. On the last night i played cash which is where i should have spent most of my time and was a BIG error on my part. The games were sooo soft and it was easy money but i couldn't get much money at the time and had to play the lowest limit which was the equivalent of a £1.50/3.50 game i guess. I easily won £300 and regretted that i hadn't put more hrs in at the tarbs, sigh.

The food was again a major issue in Macau, i don't like the munch these chinkays eat, its sick. On a couple of occasions me and Dale ate in some Noodle Bar and it was difficult to order not just because the girls serving us could not spk a fooking word of English but also because it was difficult to pick out anything from the menu that didn't resemble slimey cats vomit. The service was the worst ever at this place aswell, it got sooo bad that me and Roxx ended up just cracking up at these stupid thick as shit zombie looking girls trying to serve, it was fking reeeeedic! One evening me and Roxx had a wander around the town away from the glitz and glam of the hotels. etc. Fuck me the place sold alot of old tez! Check out this vid i've stolen from Dale and some of the pics i took of the local cuisine, hungry anyone?

There were a few cool parts of the town like Senate sq pictured below but much of what we saw was quite poor and in stark contrast to the high class hotels five minutes up the road.

On another occasion whilst Roxx was doing his brains in the main i went out and explored some of the other casino's Macau had to offer. Unlike Vegas, the casinos are more spread out in Macau. I checked out the Rio, The Sands and also took a 10 minute shuttle trip to The Venetian which was pretty impressive.

Dunno what else to write? To sum it up the food was shit, the players were terrible and i regret not playing tons more live cash, sigh. I think i wasted some of my time in Macau tbh which was abit of a shame. I was supposed to be flying to Cebu in the Philippines followed by Tokyo, Japan and then Seoul in S. Korea however we blew all that out at the last minute and flew to Kuala Lumpa in Malaysia instead. We got most of our money refunded from our cancelled flights and it probably works out cheaper for me this way. I'm planning on chilling in KL for 2 wks and have already been here a wk. Its a cool place, i like it alot and will write a blog post about the place soon, laters!

Hong Kong Trip Report

2011-03-02T14:04:00.006Z

Time for the Hong Kong trip report now fans, should be alot shorter than the Phuket, Bangkok and Ho Chi Minh blog posts. The trip almost took a bad beat before we even arrived in HK actually because we were told at the airport in Vietnam that our flight had been overbooked and that the bastards were sending us on a flight to some random location in China before we had to take another flight to our destination!! WTF!!!! We were both fuming, how the fook do they overbook the fkin flight? Pissed off and resigned at having to take two bloody flights things strangely got resolved at the last minute and we were able to board our short flight direct to HK plus we were also upgraded to business class, weeee.

Once we arrived in Hong Kong it was cold and wet, gg sun. I knew there was a reason i packed four hoodays, massive sighs. After checking into the Luxe Manor Hotel in Kowloon we had a quick scout around HK in the afternoon. It was quite funny actually because upon leaving the hotel lobby Roxx remarked that it will be good to get away from all the fooking pimps, whores, scootay carriers, massage birds, tuk tuk drivers etc etc and basically anyone that was hustling us in Thailand and Vietnam. As soon as we stepped out onto the main street (Nathan Rd) we were hit with a seemingly endless amount of Indian blokes asking us if we wanted to buy a freaking watch! Haha, it was sooo com they were everywhere. On one occasion me and Dale got a funny video of the fish trying to sell us their fake knock off Rolex watches, there were a ton of blokes trying to flog us suits as well just like in Bangkok, GTFO! Once we waded through a ton of these bastards we made it to the Harbour, took a few snaps and paid a brief visit to the Space Museum which wasn't particularly interesting.

In the evening we familiarised ourselves with the underground system and went to Lan Kwai Fong and the various shops situated in the heart of HK. Lan Kwai Fong was a lively area packed full of bars which was pretty congested with a bunch of pissheads spilling out into the streets. Dale wasn't a big fan but personally i could imagine having a blast there with a bunch of my bezzas and/or RTR fishays. After that we checked out the shopping scene and again it was sooo congested. Because all the shops are seemingly crammed together it actually makes it difficult to see anything decent because its so close. Shops stacked onto other shops and just really in your face plus its easy to get lost, it wasn't great imo. They had something called a Ladies Market which despite the name doesn't just sell stuff for birds and is supposedly quite popular. It was absolutely SHIT, plain and simple. Just a bunch a locals selling complete and utter garbage. Oh another thing about HK was the food, fk me the food, them chinkays eat some random shit don't they? Me and Dale could not for the life of us find any decent grub, it was all local slimey Chinese munch, arrrgh. We did manage to find a few places that sold a nice succulent steak for example but that was £30-40 quid a pop! Fook that so we ended up eating at KFC, BK and Muccy D's for much of our stay, bleurrrgh. So far my impressions of HK weren't great.

On days two and three of our HK trip we got 48hr passes on a hop on/off open top big bus tour. This allowed us to see most of HK in what little time we had here. The tour had 4 parts which each lasted about 1.5hrs. First up we got a free ferry trip over from Kowloon to HK Island and explored that. Hong Kong is a mass of sky scrapers, they are everywhere and it all looked the same to me. On this leg of the tour we were taken to Repulse Bay and Stanley beach. I didnt realise that HK had beaches and it looked kinda cool but again the weather was terrible. We ended up getting off the bus at a place called Aberdeen and we took this Sampan boat tour, which was my fault and was the worst ever! It was seriously bad so much so that it actually became quite funny. The only decent thing was a supposedly famous Jumbo floating fish restaurant which looked quite funky, the rest of the trip was just LOL bad. In the evening we were supposed to take the night tour but we missed that and decided to just cram the other three tours into our final day. Fk knows what else we did that night, probs just got hounded by a bunch of watch salesmen, then endlessly looked for some decent scran before munching some dirt fast food :( Actually i think i went to hotel gym that night which made me feel a tiny bit better after the crap i had been eating.

Day 3 and we took the second leg of our tour and hopped off at the peak tram which took us to the summit of HK. This some part of the tour was ok and despite the views not being as good as im sure they usually are because of the poor weather it was still worthwhile. The third leg of our tour was much of same as the previous two tbh, sky scraper city. I guess it was kinda interesting to see how HK residents live etc but i still got bored pretty quick. There were a few noteworthy things i saw in HK like the randomly shaped trees growing within this concrete jungle plus it was also bizarre to see that these fish mostly use Bamboo as scaffolding for construction purposes. It wasn't just on a small scale either with some huge buildings being supported by what seemed like quite an unstable material.

In the evening we decided to fuck the final leg of our tour off (the night tour) and go back to the hotel. Later that night we walked along whats known as the Avenue of Stars and watched something called the Symphony of lights. This was spectacular multimedia display, which has been named the "World's Largest Permanent Light and Sound Show" by the Guinness World Records, and includes more than 40 buildings on both sides of Victoria Harbour. I think it lasted for 14 minutes and was a ton of laser beams, coloured lights and search lights synchronised to music and narration. I was like WOW, Hong Kong has finally come good!!! It was a great spectacle and was easily the best thing i'd seen in HK. This video Dale took doesn't really do it justice imo and your probs best off checking the internet for better qualitay, it was seriously awesome.

Nothing more to say on Hong Kong tbh so i'll leave it there on a postive note, next up Macau for the Poker Stars Cup, lets gamboooooooool babay!

Ho Chi Minh Trip Report

2011-02-25T12:32:00.009Z

Right, time for a post about Ho Chi Minh, mmmm where do i start? Errrr, first up its worth mentioning that i was basically multai in Vietnam :) I thought the prices for stuff in Thailand were very inexpensive but fk me, the cost of living in this city was just LOL, it was seriously cheap! One solitary English pound is equivalent to almost 34,000 Vietnamese Dong which meant i was a billionaire for five days babay, weeee!

We stayed at a decent 4* hotel called the Catina for 30 nugs a night which was pretty expensive for this part of the world. Once we arrived we quickly dumped our gear off and went out to explore some of the city. The first thing that immediately struck us was the difficulty we were faced with in just crossing the road. There are almost no traffic lights in Ho Chi Minh and the roads are absolutely jam packed full of scootays. Here's a comedy vid of me playing Human Frogger, remember that game?

After having abit of a mince around the place it quickly got dark and we went for munch at some gaff near our hotel. We both ordered three course meals obviously at a stupidly redic cheap prices although we had endure this fkin annoying beggar girl that resembled a ghost. Honestly she looked really spooky and stood in front us for a good couple of minutes one arm out stretched with the other carrying a baby whilst repeatably uttering the words ohhhh my baby i'm very hungry or something to that affect. It was proper disturbing and she looked/sounded really ghoulish. Oh, the other thing about this place is that while your onomnomnoming on your first course they bring out the other fooking dishes before you have even finished! That was often the case for a few places we ate in actually and sometimes they don't even bring the grub out in the right order and you end up with all three courses lined up in front of you.

On our first full day we ended up jumping on these Cyclo things which resemble big fk off wheel chairs that the local Vietnamese blokes peddle you around in. First off, a couple of these Cyclo fish took us to some horrible cafe where we got some grub. I had the worst sarnie ever that included a small black hair, nice. However, i did get some geezer to clean my trainers with a toothbrush for about 60p, which is actually alot of money for such a small job. After the dirt munch we got another couple of Cyclo blokes to take us around the town for 100k an hr which is about 3 quid and again is waaaay overpriced but whatever its three quid! We visited the war museum which was pretty good and quite interesting and then went to some Palace place which was utter bollocks and then to Ho Chi Minh Museum which was also complete shit. The problem with these Cyclo cunts is that they are all very happy, nice and polite to start with but when it comes to paying the motherfkers they try to hustle you. Me and Dale ended up with a pretty ugly confrontation which ended up with us just telling the bastards to GTFO when they demanded more money.

In the evening i cant quite remember what we got upto tbh. I think we had a wander and went shopping because Dale had been wearing the same pair of fkin shorts for at least a week (the donk only had one pair) and it was very hot in Vietnam. Here's a quick vid of the fish paying one million for a fake Lacoste shirt, lolz.

Our 2nd full day in Ho Chi Minh was definitely the best of our Vietnam trip imo. We took a 2.5hr boat trip up the Saigon river and through the jungle to the Cu Chi tunnels, an underground network used during the Vietnam war. I found it very interesting and our guide showed us many of the traps that were used to kill the yanks during the war. We were also shown and given a chance to crawl through one of the tunnels and i had the opportunity to fire 10 live bullets with an AK fortay zieben. In the evening me and Roxx went bowling at the Diamond Plaza. Roxx was the worst bowling fish i've ever seen and it was a clean sweep for the Amatay, weee easy game!

Day three and we decided to visit Saigon Zoo. However, the pair of us lazy bums didn't wake up till really late this day and after munching a delish burger in the Hard Rock Cafe we arrived at the zoo to find it had a fooking shut, sighhh FAIL. Instead i think we just pissed about climbing over these tanks in some random nearby museum type place and then played pool at the Diamond Plaza. It was a pretty uneventful day.

Last day in Ho Chi Minh and we decided to go for another delish fat bastard Hard Rock Cafe burger meal and then visit the Saigon Zoo this time before it shut. However, the pair of us plums got a weeee bit lost and I ended up wondering around Ho Chi Minh looking for the fooking Hard Rock on my jack jones after Roxxu had to head back to the hotel after forgetting his memory card. I managed to bink a free ride on the back of some blokes scootay who was working outside a hotel. He just seemed to drop all his duties and fetch his bike then took me about 2 mins down the road to my destination. I asked him if he wanted any wonga and was prepared to probably match his whole salary for that day for his kindness but he wasn't interested. Thats another thing that struck me about Vietnam, how pleasant 90% ish the locals were its just the dirty pimps (more on these at the end of the post) and those Cyclo cunts that make up the other 10%. Once that donko Dale finally joined me in the Hard Rock having got lost himself we quickly nommed down our munch and went to the zoo. It cost us 27p to enter (lolz) and had all the usual animals like Elephants, Tigers, Hippo's etc. The best thing about the zoo was the Croc House which housed about 35 of the prehistoric beasts and was pretty cool.

On our last night we ate at the same place as the first day with the ghost beggar and then had a wander around the town. In the evening there are a ton of pimps hanging about on the street corners. I think its illgeal for girls to whore themselves out in Vietman but if a pimp does it then its fine, weird. These motherlickers were every fooking where hounding us. You want girl? You want two girl? You want young girl? etc etc. If you flat out refused then they would ask you if you wanted Marijuana and all sorts of other stuff. Basically, if you wanted anything then they could probably sort it for ya, some of them were quite funny actually. It wasn't just blokes pimping the girls out btw but also bitches pimping other bitches, mistresses i guess.

There's more stuff i could write about Vietnam tbh but i'll leave you fish with a bunch more snaps. I really enjoyed my stay in Ho Chi Minh, it was a fun and interesting experience. Next stop Hong Kong!

Check out Daleroxxu's Tour Of Cards Blog, plenty more comedy tales, pics and vids of Ho Chi Minh there.

Bangkok Trip Report

2011-02-20T14:22:00.029Z

Me and Dale flew to Bangkok on Friday afternoon and although Roxxu wanted to stay in some balla £60 a night 5* hotel which btw is alot of dosh in Thailand i convinced that donko to 'slum' it in this 'ghetto' 4* hotel called The Windsor in Sukhumvit for just £17pn (lol, reedit). After checking in, dumping our gear off and scrubbing up we ventured out into Thailand's capital city to get our first taste of Bangkok and it was a pretty eye opening experience for me tbh...

We walked up and down this main street for what seemed like a couple of hrs without a plan and the first thing that struck me was some of the poverty on the streets and the beggars/people selling complete shit like wooden carvings and glowsticks for example. Some of the things i saw i found quite shocking tbh, people with no arms, missing legs, women carrying children, children on their own etc etc just begging/pleading for minimal amounts of money. There were also a ton of these little stalls with Thai people cooking random crap some of which looked like roasted coakroach's and other random insects, no jokes. It was fkin hot and humid as well, plus it was really dirty and you could almost taste the pollution in the air.

We ended up eating some delish three course meal in some classy restaurant for just a tenner which almost seems wrong given what i had just witnessed. After that we accidentally (honest) stumbled into a place called Nana Plaza which kinda resembled Patong in Phuket but just not quite as degen. Me a Dale grabbed a beer and played some pool in a nearby Irish bar with no whores and then just sat out the front to witness some of the unreal stuff going on. Ladyboys galore, beggars galore you name it. I deffo saw alot more Ladyboys in Bangkok than Phuket, they were fkin everywhere in this Nana Red Light District place. I actually found myself giving alot of the beggars money that night for some reason and it kinda made me realise how lucky i am. I remember going to bed that night and reflecting on what i had just seen thinking fuck me, was that shit real? What a place Bangkok is, pure sickness, i don't think i'm going to enjoy the next few days. However, we got up the early the next day to experience more of Bangkok and my opinion began to change alittle....

Alot of the whores and ladyboys were gone as were most of the stinking foodcart things and shitty markets trying to flog allsorts of crappy fake gear. What sort of mug buys stuff from these people anyways? :) There were still quite a few beggars hanging about but Bangkok started to feel abit more like a normal city. However, all of the above was pretty much replaced either by the seemingly endless amount of Thai birds asking you if you want a fooking massage or these other plums trying to shift you a fkin suit! Fk me its about 100 degree's outside, the last bloody thing i want is a fkin suit, GTFO u cunts! After spending a good few hrs walking up and down this same stretch of road trying to organise a fkin city tour it looked like the day was gonna turn into utter bollocks. Despite being slightly both tilted by what had happened that morning what with tour centres being closed or charging LOL prices we decided to sort ourselves out with something to do and it turned into a pretty good day...

We ended up going to a place called the Pantip Plaza and then to some random Thai Premier football match. We took every form of transport available in Bangkok including the Sky Train and taxis which were pretty safe and comfortable as well as these other taxi type things called Tuk Tuk's plus we rode on the back of these motorcyles which weaved in and out of the busy traffic. I think me and Dale probably had a death wish that day tbh but it turned out to be ok and was a good laugh/experience.

First up we went to the Pantip Plaza because we'd heard this was the place to go for all the techy stuff like lappy's and cameras etc which is what we both needed because Dales lappy was busto and i had gg'd my camera that morning (sigh). We got the Sky Train to a place called Siam and then hoped onto the back on these people carrier motorcycles. It was quite a good buzz dodging in and out of all of the busy traffic on the back of these things actually but i didn't exactly feel too safe. Once we got to this Pantip place Dale was in heaven and pretty much jizzed in his pants because that fish loves all that stuff and tbh i was pretty impressed myself. It was full of tons of these little shops selling all sorts of gadgets, plasma's, laptops etc as well as flogging a shit load of rip off gear like pirate software for example. Its illegal in Thailand but there was sooo much of it here that the old bill must turn a blind eye. I managed to purchase some software to sort out my lagging, porn infested comp and also purchased some hooky Photoshop and Microsoft Office for redic cheap prices plus i also brought a new camera. Dale managed to get his comp fixed by this random old Thai dude right at the very top of the plaza in this little workstation crammed full of microchips and component parts etc. The blokes office reminded me of the Keymaker in the film The Matrix when you see him in his little room full of keys if you can picture the image?

Once we had finished in the Plaza we took one of these taxi type things called Tuk Tuks to the National Stadium. I'm not sure what is more dangerous the Tuk Tuks or the Motor Cycle people carrier's but again it was a good buzz being driven through the redic traffic in Bangkok. Once we got to the National Stadium we noticed that something seemed to be occurring in a smaller stadium next door so we checked it. It just so happened that the Thai Premier footy season was starting that day and a game between local side BEC Tero and Buriram PEA was due to KO in about 2 hrs. So me and The Roxxu decided to buy a ticket for £1.60 and purchase a replica shirt for just £7 and become Buriram fans for the next couple of hours. Once we had our shirts on we were getting stared and pointed at by pretty much every Thai fish being the only white idiots to 'support' the Burirham PEA. The standard of the match wasn't too shabby and despite there being only a small crowd in comparison to an English game the atmosphere was decent and our boys went on to deservedly win 2-1. After the game we put our life's at risk again by gambling on another Tuk Tuk to take us to Nana to the same Irish pub from the previous night to watch the Manchester derby. What a fkin goal that was from Rooney!

After the whistle blew we decided to take the safety of a normal taxi back to our hotel to scrub up and go out again for munch. Just as we set off i remember stopping in at a nearby bar to see how my beloved hammers were doing versus WestBrom. Some random geezer told me that all he knew was that we were 3-0 down at HT and i was like uitgu5erytkblujk, fkin GG us! Slightly on tilt by the scoreline i sat in some nice little French gaff for munch and i managed to get a glimpse of the WestHam highlights on a t.v. from across the road. I watched the first three goals get banged in then pleaded with the gods for some divine intervention. 3-1...3-2...3-3!!!! weeeee. Were still going down though i reckon what we some of our upcoming fixtures in April but we still having a fighting chance with that comeback. Come on you Irons!!!

On the final day me and Dale went to an old part of Bangkok which wasn't too impressive so we took a long boat trip up the Chao Phraya River and through the canals which was a good laugh. Dale got soaked on the boat by another passing long boat, theres a video of it on his blog. It cracks me up every time especially at the end. The words, 'fuck my life Amatay, how bad do i run' has me pmsl, classic Roxxu! Here's the clip :) It was pretty crazy passing by all these shacks along the canal bank that were basically peoples homes. The water was dirty and the people were poor. That was one of the main things that struck me most about Bangkok actually, how there is loads of high class hotels/eateries etc either next to or interspersed with such poverty and complete shit holes, such a stark contrast. On the boat trip we also stopped off at this cool Buddha temple for a 20 minute mince and we both got some good snaps.

On our last night me and The Roxxu went to another degen area similar to Nana, its called Cowboy Soy. Again, its full of whores and dirty western men white and as soon as me and Dale went for a beer in one bar some Thai whore was onto us. She was actually the best looking Thai bird i had seen and her English was sooo good that she had prolly chatted to about a million Western men in her life and half of them had prolly thrown one up her. She even had a slight english twang to her accent at times that sounded kinda northern, brummie i think it was, fkin dirtay brummie bastards! Anyways we fked her off and ended up hitting some balls at some pool bar. We had our own VIP room and some Thai bird waiting on us hand and foot, serving us drinks, racking each game and even watching the game. When we needed the rest for example she was there right on cue to sort us out, she was basically our slave and all we had to pay was 240 Baht for 1 hr which is about 5 quid, loool. Even though i've destroyed Dale all trip on the pool tables he somehow luckboxed his way to a 5-4 victory before with gave our slave girl a good tip and then GTFO'd. Bangkok had been another fun experience, next stop Ho Chi Minh, Vietnam..

Yo!

2011-02-03T01:11:00.007Z

Gonna break this latest edition of Amatay ramblings into sub sections...

Bolton

Last weekend i played the APAT £50 team event for RTR in Bolton. By the time we eventually got there after a cock up with the muthalickers at the hotel and a 3.5hr drive the tourn pretty much started and i was lucky not to go broke in the first five hands. Playing a 10k stack i make it 150 UTG+1 @25/50 and some plum makes it 300 on the button. I didn't actually know what to do here for a minute because 4 betting this early given the initial ep raise pretty much turns my hand face up but i went along and made it 1500 anyways and plum boy cold calls. Flop K103 with 2 clubs. I decided to go for pot control straight away vrs this idiot because if i lead he might raise all the draws he could have flopped as well as a AK KQ type hand plus im worried he already has me crushed. So i check and faggot boy throws out a mincy bet, i obv call. Turns an off suit 5 and i c/c another gay small bet and another 5 rolls off. Pretty confident my bullets are good here but i still elect to c/c a bet but matey boy checks behind. I 'proudly' table my AA and donko tabled 1010 for a flopped set and a full house. WTF???? wp matey. LOL live poker, here we go again. So i've still somehow got 6.5k and chip up with some gd bluffs etc. I made the 1st break but then got jizzed on and busto in nowhere, grrrr.

I spent much of the rest of the day chatting to lots of other Amatay fanboys and generally having a good crack. Pokerwise i suffered a humiliating 3-0 defeat to NoCash and played a few hrs of cash. First up i sat in a 25/25p (LOL) cash game and basically just blasted 76ss aipf on my 3rd hand and got 3 callers, made 2 pr quadroopled up and got up and sat in a £2/2 PLO game with a hundo. It was a pretty stupid game, highlights included winning a £350 pot but also losing a £350 pot, fun times. We left the casino at about 2am and a few of the lads went to a titty bar but me jak and Cogs headed into town (sry DoV). We couldn't get into any bars and instead got some proper dirty munch from a place called Allens Chicken and came back to the hotel. Bolton is an absolute shit hole and it had a proper hostile feel to it as well, didnt feel the vibe one bit. Most of birds looked like they wanted a fligt tbh. It was ok weekend and good to meet up with a few of the lads etc, just a shame sooo many peeps seemed to drop out. RTR meet ups just aren't as good unless you do 2 nights imo. Previous trips to Nottingham, Newcastle and Dublin were really good because of a good balance of poker, banter, beers and a night on the town. This trip was mainly spent in a casino so it rates about a 6/10.

Online Pokes

Not played that much but enough to drop about $2k in the last couple of weeks. Ran pretty shit and played shit because of this. Basically just a bag of bollocks, dunno what else to say, very insightful i know :)

What a cunt i am

Yes, i am a cunt but i've been more of a cunt than usual. Apologises to the RTR lads for not getting my HU games completed. Can you just play all the other games and if mine are of any importance i'll sort it out, sry :( I'm also a cunt because I've really been thinking hard recently about what a poker wimp i am and how i've showed such a lack of ambition in my poker life. I've mentioned it a few times in this gay blog but recently its really bugged me. Its not really 100% due to a lack of ambition its just a lack of bollocks and not playing bigger games and at least taking shots etc. Watching/reading about some lads like Jake Cody, Toby Lewis, Sam Trickett, James Keys etc etc has made me wonder what i could have achieved and who knows could still achieve if i had bigger balls, belief and a greater willingness to play higher and grow/build as a player. I mean whats the worst that can happen? I jizz off £10k-20k pretty quick? mmm so what, i could grind it back up. Even with fish like my mate Adam and Greekstein, even thou i dont agree with the way they have gone about things in the past and between them they have busted more rolls than i've had wanks at least they have had a go at making some 'proper' money.

I also watched back my 'epic' ch4 appearance on Late Night Poker in 2003 because Jak had asked to see it so i treated him to some of my smooth moves. Fuck me 2003 i thought, what a cunt. Although i'm obv a much better player the stakes i play haven't really changed and a shit load of fish like those named above started playing after me but showed more heart, ambition, bollocks etc and obv had the skills to progress. I might not have the skills but the point is I've rarely tested myself. 2003!!! FML. I still amble along playing $20-100f's and 10-30r's and i dont play enough of the these either. FK my bastard life lol, i should be multai.

Staking

Got a small stable atm, Doomswitch on RTR is grinding small buyin 45's on Stars and turned a nice 1k profit early doors which we chopped up but recently he's hit abit of a downswong and is currently in $300 MU. I back another fish on UB for all mtts <$25 and he has about $600 MU. Today i took on a 3rd horsay and although the donko can be unreliable at times he's easily the best of the bunch. He's gonna play mtts on PP and UB <$44 and $11 and $26 45 mans on FTP. Not sure what am getting myself into staking 3 fish tbh and i'll prolly be busto in a few months but fk it, fingers crossed.

The future

Pokerwise i need to grow a pair and put in more effort or just give it up. Fenix is a good example to me i think. He's good and he grinds hard. Plus he has the balls/belief to play higher once his hard work pays off at low/mid stakes. I need to start doing what he does.
Lifewise i dunno??? Went out with Lizzy the other night and its all good etc but i don't know if im interested in anything serious. I like her and shes a good girl etc but im abit meh. The other night was funny because i'd just had my vaccinations for my trip and the 48 hr side effect are they proper knock you out and make you feel really weak and drowsey. She sapped me of every last bit of energy that girl, i had to stop fucking her mid rumps, i was spent. She likes sex sooo fkin fast, too fast. I can't even feel my knob at times when shes bopping up and down my tool 100mph, its redic. Right i gotta go, I got a plane to catch to Phuket in a few hrs, haha. I do not know what to expect but hopefully it will all be good, laters :)

Forget the last post...

2011-01-24T15:44:00.004Z

Hahaaaaa, forget some of the bullshit in the last post, i think reading Evilpie's diary clouded my judgement somewhat. I fucking love some of them gaylords on RTR and Blonde, and i dont go on there that much in any case plus i could never go cold turkay. I think some of my usuage recently has bit alitte OTT so i will still limit that but im not that bad plus i won't have the opportunitay to be online that much soon anyways. I'm deffo not one of them facebook 'freaks' who updates every five minutes either, infact i don't really bother going on there, its only the last few weeks especially that i've found myself constantly checking in and out. Going to the gym soon then i'll be shipping an online mtt or two later tonight, bye.

No more...

2011-01-24T00:58:00.008Z

No more wasting my time on fkin gay forums or fb or any of that shit. The week before last i took some time off from that bollocks and i'm gonna do the same again in the next 10 days before i fly off to Phuket a week on Thur. I've met alot of good people from the Internet but i spend waaay too much time on Raisetheriver and Blonde in particular when i could be either concentrating more on my poker game or doing something else more productive. Its not just me who is guilty of this its pretty much all the regs who post on both forums plus all the fish who update their fb status 20x times a day, its fkin sad. There's nothing wrong with going on these things occasionally and I'll still be checking in now and again its just it becomes addictive. This decision has partly been brought about after reading Evilpie's diary on Blonde, check it. I've known this myself for a while and previously blogged about it and also made feeble attempts to limit my time on these things in the past. I could snap name at least 30 odd people who are just as or even more guilty than me, its GAY!

Poker has been abit gay recently as well when i have been bothered to play. I've probably only dropped a few hundo in total but at times i have just been sat here thinking how LOL reeedic online mtts are. You see sooo when many bad beats and 'set ups' in a session its just comedy. Not just the beats you take and dish out but also watching your opponents in hands aswell, its crazy. Tonight, as i have done so in the past, i just sat here thinking how the fuck have i ever made any money out of this game let alone make a living out of it? Sometimes it just feels like a bunch of flips and coolers, how have i ever won anything????

The small stake i had going went tits up this week aswell after my backers finally lost patience with me and i don't blame them one bit, i've been a bit out of order. In short i was backed $4.86k by about 7 or 8 people to play 30 $99 supers on pp and 12 $55c on ftp on a 70/30 basis. I originally set this up to help my motivation levels and it worked because i made almost $24k in 8 weeks off my own dime. However, after that volume levels just waned, im such a cunt. Its like after abit of success i was ok financially again for a few months so i didn't really need to bother to grind. As a result i had only completed half the staked games losing my backers 1/4 of their monies. The stake should have been completed by now. Most of the reason for not completing it was the usual Jones laziness although part of it was not wanting to lose my backers more money, i felt uncomfortable being staked tbh. I sometimes found myself avoiding the staked games and playing in other games with my own money because i didnt wanna get more stuck with other peoples money. Anyways, i have returned 3/4 of their original stake and i feel better for it, i can afford to play them games off my own dime anyways.

Life shit now and i've spent a few more nights with Lizzy the bird i've been rumping recently. I've actually found myself enjoying her company, she's a cool girl but nothing is gonna happen because hopefully i won't be in this country for most of the next 5 months. Fuck knows what i'm doing with my life lol, do most people? I kinda just drift about not knowing what i want from life and have little responsible which is good and bad i guess. Sometimes i think i need a job and more structure etc and then i quickly come to my senses and realise i abs HATE work looool. Ahhhhh i dunno??? I'm in one of them moods atm and i've written simlar crap in previous posts on this subject so i won't bore you with the same old Amatay witterings. Anyways, this week i will rumping Lizzy, seeing my mate Gazza for the semi final (come on the hammers) playing some online pokers, continuing to go to the gym as i did last week :) and deffo not going on stupid forums much. My seven week trip has come just at the right time for me i think, roll on Friday for the APAT team tournay in Bolton and then Thailand, laters

Doubt This is Real?

2011-01-18T15:12:00.008Z

I open with two lovely black boolets utg, KK flats utg+1, QQ min raises, 1010 blasts, i obv call, KK blasts, QQ snaps and i making the 'crying' call for the rest of my stack. When the flop comes down i'm like phew ship it only to see the worst turn in the deck for a sick sweat. Obv the river makes a fookin straight, marvo! Fkin reeeedickulous hand for the absolute world in a €50 freeze!!

Taking a Break snigger

2011-01-17T02:25:00.008Z

At the start of the week i decided not to spend too much time online and take some time off (lolz), been on the Internet waaay too much last couple of weeks doing feck all. If I'm not posting on raisetheriver I'm posting on Blonde then there's facebook, msn, aim, tweeter, blogs, pokertube etc etc all whilst scanning the net for good pornographic materials, heck i even play the online pokerz from time to time as well.

Last weekend i went down to Brighton to see Cogs and to play the £40 High rollers event at the Rendezvous. With a huge field of top professionals (26 random clowns) i was doing ok in the early stages until the same bastard bird sucked out on me three fooking times! After that i decided to mix it up on the high stakes cash tarbs (£1/2) and again i was doin ok and i was happy with life. However, all of a sudden i felt really peeky like i was gonna die right there and then, even one of the fish at the table commented that i looked like Tom Dwan although sadly not for my extraordinary poker genius but for my rather pale complexion. Instead of going out into town as planned we stayed in the casino because of my weak and rather gay like state. I peaked at about £150 profit but unfortunately managed to jizz that off before the end of the night. Up £120, down $24.50, up £33 down £17, the swings were reeeedic! I went back to Cogs at about midders having lost a whole £11.50 in the big game, massive sighs. On the Sunday i just minced at Cogs most of the day and come Monday i made the decision to keep my Internet usage to minimal amounts this week. Having said that despite not being on the lappy as much its seems i have canned my monthly internet allowance on my Iphone this week, which never happens. www.mobileboner.com is like crack cocanie i tell ya, very addictive.

I've also had plenty of life shit to sort out this week as well, lots of errands etc before i go away in 2 weeks time. Just shit like renewing my MOT, which fking failed albeit only to needing a new tyre and other gay stuff like that which i had been putting off. On Tuesday i went to see my old Buddy Garry who is getting married this year to his long term partner of 10 yrs so i now have two weddings to go too in June, he's stag gonna be in Newcastle :) With him also being a fellow hammer we both watched the League Cup semi with the hammers sneaking a 2-1 victoray over brum, cup final one time???

On the Wednesday i met up with Lizzy again (see prev post) and we went to the cinema to watch 127 hrs. I thought it was a fantastic film and its a true story aswell, incred. Its well worth a watch imo. After the film it was back to mine for some Amatay loving, honestly the noise this bird makes when rumping is ridiculous, i'm surprised the neighbours ain't called 999 yet for fear that i'm killing the poor bitch with my tool. She like its hard n fast and tbh i'm not sure i'm fully trained up for this type of vigorous activitay. There's me hammering away with my little white peachy ass bopping up and down at 100mph's, sweat dripping, and she's like harder harder, faster faster and i'm like i am going harder harder, faster faster, i can't go any fucking harder harder, faster faster! My knob actually hurt the next day.

This weekend i went out with a load of the lads to Muswell Hill for my mate Mizon's b'day, that fish is getting married as well in June. A few of us went out early doors to watch the mightay hammers get crushed by Arsenal. I feared the worst before KO and we were duly spanked 3-0. God i hope we don't get relegated but its looking grim atm, we are shit. After that soul destroying performance we were joined by a few more lads and it was a decent night. Turns out that Mizon's stag is gonna be in Riga Latvia so that's another little trip i have to add to my fun packed diary this year.

Plan for the next two weeks is to 'hammer' the pokers and the gym before the RTR team event in Bolton at the end of the month. This marks the start of a potentially epic next 4-5 months with loads of good shit to look forward to. Hopefully i can get my nut down and kinda do what Animal is doing atm and grind hard (ish) :) Laters.

Clawed

2011-01-07T04:17:00.012Z

Chrimbo and new years were pretty uneventful for me this year, just the usual stuff tbh that you fish don't really wanna read about although i do have one rather amusing night to blog about which occurred the day after Boxing Day i think. Some of my more avid Amatay fanboys and followers will have read my post from a couple of weeks back entitled Gay Much, referring to how i had the chance to date two different birds but declined both thus leading me to question my sexualitay. However, one of these birds (Lizzy) eventfully wore me down and i decided to go out for a few drinky poo's. Before leaving my flat i was 95% certain that i was gonna get pissed and end up rumping so i made sure that i scraped the sheets and that my 12 inches was gleaming.

We ended up having a really good laugh and the two us sank all sorts of alcoholics beverages in three separate watering holes. I didn't really have to use any smooth moves at all tbh and just played my normal solid game eventually inducing all the action from Lizzy. However, by about 1am and with her chewing my face off there was no need for anymore slow play so i decided to become the aggressor and we quickly came back to my gaff.

Right, before i continue with this blog post can you all please put away your wank rags, socks and tissues, i do not write this shit for your sexual gratification (that includes you btw No Cash). Within a few minutes of getting in the front door i had what i can only describe as some of the loudest and definitely most violent rumpage of my life! Lizzy is fkin loud, not just normal loud bout waking up the neighbours loud. I nearly suffocated the bitch at one point coz i pressed a pillow in her face trying to get her to stfu! On top of all the noise she absolutely shredded me to bits with her nails. I mean i know i'm good, have a solid technique and a big tool etc etc but FML, she TORE into my back and my arse cheeks. I can't exaggerate enough, it was really painful at times, i had claw marks and a few little bite marks all over. There was even claret on the sheets and pillow where she had ripped into my back soooo fkin hard and drawn blood. Scotch was round the next day to watch the footy and i showed him my ass (lol) and back and he was like WTF? It looked like i'd been in a fight with a big cat or something and lost, BADLY! I was really sore for a couple of days, she might as well have pulled a knife out me, it would probably have been less painful. Despite all this i'm probs gonna see her again, she's a good girl and i like rumps innit :) Next time thou i think i'm gonna have to stick a pair of gloves on her or summat or maybe tie her up. Laters fish.

Hello again fish, that crap above was pretty much written a few days ago and since then i've ended up rumping Lizzy for a second time. This time i was grinding a few comps online when she text me whilst out on the lash to see what i was doing. I said i was playing poker etc however i quickly busted most of my tables and was left just two tarbling. She was keen to come round and hop back on the 12 inches but i explained to her that i might be playing online but didn't know for how long. She came round in the early hrs and i ended up finalling a $15r2a on UB and she had to patiently wait for some Amatay loving whilst i busted up the donkos in the tourn. After about 2 hrs of her railing me i eventually lost HU to some cunt whose K10 got there vrs my AJ despite a flopped ace, erhttfgyutjyhugf. Nevermind, i still got $1k for my efforts and some more nice warm sexual intaycourse. She wasn't as aggro this time thou after i'd explain to her the agony she put me in and had showed her my battle scars from the previous night. However, to compensate she screamed the place down. Pretty sure half the street was awoken by her noise at about 4am and i've been getting a few redic dirtay looks from the neighbours recently. Fuck me i hope she don't read this, its good fun thou ;)

Pokernews and errr volume levels have not been great the last few weeks although the profit is ok. For some reason i was playing .5/1 nl rush for a couple of days and made about $1k but just as quickly donated back $800. In mtt's like i said i've played minimal amounts but got that 2nd as mentioned above plus three other finals aswell as binking a $26 45 man putting me up about $1.8k for Jan. Off to Cogs this weekend for the 40 quid high rollers event at the Rendovous in Brighton plus beers galore and then i've got to get grinding before the the RTR team thing in Bolton at the end of month and then my seven week trip with Daleroxxu, weeeee. Laters fishays.

EDIT: Might aswell do one of those gay 2010 reviews. These things are generally pretty boring so i'll keep it short. Jan-April, incred 4 months travelling east coast of Oz and NZ. May-June played $26 45 mans almost exclusively started off amazing and ended this stint with a decent profit. July-Aug, got bored with pokes and hardly played, still made ok monies. Also spent a nice week in Spain. Sept-Oct, think i split up with bird around this time, had a funny weekend in Dublin and done really well in online mtt's. Nov-Dec run good continued throughout Nov but volume levels declined in Dec.

Goals for 2011.... play more, win more, rump more and continue to travel to different places in the world, pretty much same as 2010 goals. Oh, i also wanna build a small stable of players this year. atm i have two horses, Doom whom i've staked to play $3 and $6 45 mans plus i've backed another player who has to remain annon for the moment. He's grinding any comps he wants on UB, IP and Stars.fr with a max buyin of 20 bucks. Need to get other fishays making me monies because im clearly waaaay too lazy. That will do for now, longer post than planned, goodbye!
EDIT: btw, thats not my back in the pic. Some of you fish seem to think it is, doh!

Happy Xmas Fishays

2010-12-25T23:15:00.005Z

Personalize funny videos and birthday eCards at JibJab!

Amatay - Live and Interactive

2010-12-21T14:43:00.063Z

Afternoon my legion of fanboy followers, your blogging messiah here reporting live from the comfort of my spunk stained sofa in scummy Watford. After a pretty tez week volume wise which saw me drop $1.3k i'm gonna put in a fairly heavy sesh (by my standards) this avro and tonight. Seeing as we are approaching xmas i've decided to treat you fish to live updates throughout the day in vidiprinter like fashion on my world famous blog. However, before i do so just a quick mention of a small successful staking venture this weekend which saw me finish the week in profit. I purchased two cheeky 5% slices in Greekstain and Mondatoo for this weekend's £1k Monte Carlo 3 day event that took place at DTD. Greeky managed a min cash placing 26th for £1.5k but Monda went onto finish 3rd for £27.5k, weeeeeee, ship it! Well played/unlucky Cos and massive congrats to Ray, nice one.

Right, time to grind. I'm gonna post up all the tourns i'm going to play during the day at the top of this post and just provide updates on the sickness throughout. Lets gogogoooo!

Party Poker

3.00pm - $33r $10k gtd
4.15pm - $22f $5k gtd
5.00pm - $55f $3k gtd
6.00pm - $33f $5k gtd
7.00pm - $109f $10k gtd
7.15pm - $33r $10k gtd
8.00pm - $99f $30k
8.55pm - $22b $2k gtd
9.00pm - $55f $10k gtd
9.30pm - $9r $5k gtd
10.30pm - $33r $5kgtd - Didn't play
11.00pm $33f - $5k gtd - Didn't play
12.00pm $99f - $8k gtd - Didn't play

Ipoker

9.30PM -$109f $6.5k gtd
10.45pm - $33r $10k gtd
12.00pm - $33f $3k gtd - Didn't play

Poker Stars

3.30pm - $55f $5k gtd
4.30pm - $22f $4k gtd
6.40pm $27f $9k gtd
10.45pm - $33 2r1a $12.5k gtd - Didn't play

Full Tilt

4.30pm $10 1r1a $10kgtd
6.30pm $55 1r1a $22k gtd

End of rebuy period in the pp $30. 132 fish regged and already 30 donko's have bitten the dust.

Yawn, just won a decent pot with the boolets vrs some plum with tp. Very next hand i pick up AK (yeh yeh mbn etc). Same donko from prev hands peels off a 25 bb stack oop. Flop AJx check, i bet, donko raises, obv never folding, BLAST allin and he has AJ, awesome. Still got a decent stack thou.

mmmm, sure am concentrating on each poker tarble whilst pissing about with paint and trying to update this blog. Might not be able to update as often as i'd like. My D game is probably enough to beat these fishays thou.

FML, lasted one hand in the first $33f donkfest of the day. Check this shit!

weeeee, toastay double in the $55f on Stars. Peel an utg open with pock tens. Oh hi der 10 on the flop. He had the boolets, shipppp.

Chipping up early doors on Stars...

The first of about 50 odd flips i'm probs gonna lose today. Shizzle!

What do you do in this spot if he c/r creams it in my face? Sigh fold yeh?

Had a few msgs of support and good luck wishes from the rail from a couple of Amatay fanboys. Big shout out to reraiserob on Stars. Can all fanboys pls sign upto www.raisetheriver.com Qualitay forum with good peeps and some funny banter.

Lovely suckout in the $55f on Stars. I'm too embarressed to post it tbh, wiiiii

LOL at this call in the $33r pp. Donation

What do u make of this SHIT? Trying to induce a shove and he flats, then donk lead schummies all over me. Wished i'd just crammed it in his eye pre now.

KQ no gd vrs k5 aipf in the $55f pp. uewfhbsauieflxbihib

OH FUCK OFF PARTY U CUNTTTTT. 30r JJ v A6 aipf. I basically blasted about 18 bigs. I was gonna just open 2.5x but i just decided for the less subtle approach. He snaps me with A fookin 6, some fishays calling ranges are waaay off imo. The abs bottom of my range there might be KQ. PP is different to sites like ftp and stars imo, different structures etc and his call for most of his stack is just jizz. Obv ace on the flop and i'm busto. ffs!

BOOOOM, de-tilt in the $55f stars. Come on!

itm in the $55f Stars. 20/45 $2.8k upto. lets fkin doooo this!

easy game on ftp Dropped abit making moves on stars. short :(

Skill game 14/27 on stars. Got a stack on ftp

LOL @ my twitter >>>>>>>
Fanboys everywhere!!

Break time, fookin hanking. Baked beans on toast i reckon, the food of champions. nom nom nom

Arrrgh, busted 15th in the $55f for $172. Keep busting around that area atm. Kept getting dealt uber shit then blasted 9 bigs utg with fookin 97 sootayed. Bit jizz tbh, gg.

Need a dump and still got 30 mins until the next break, sigh. Turtle headaments.

ahhhhh, 15 mins to go. Not sure i can hold on???? :(

Had a horrible dump although i wish i went earlier and sat out a few hands because i boosted the $109f on pp QQ into AA. Can't really escape playing such shallow stacks.

Playing shit, blinding out of one tourn, soooo bad

Busted the 11 buck cube 45th /704 for $45. Struggling and playing too tight. partly coz i'm not concentrating and providing you with these errr splendid updates. Gonna stop posting for a bit.

Got a stack in the $9k on Stars approaching the bubble. Busted a few comps in the last couple of hrs :(

For the chip lead on Stars..... DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE

Just got pwned sooo hard in the $50 cube on ftp. Played a hand really weird and got soul read. GG

itm on stars

ffs, busted 29/360 for $58 in the $9k :(

Not alot going on atm fans. Just had a delish toasted chicken sarn with an Activia Strawbury yogurt, mmmm yummay

Unregged from the two midnight tourns, tired n pissed off.

Meh, fuck it, unregged from another 3 comps. 6 tarbling atm and thats my lot.

Weeeee, just cleared a $240 bonus. Got decent stacks in my last 6 games tbh.

$33r pp
$99f pp
$55f pp
$9r pp
$109f ip
$33r ip

Still in all 6. Approaching the bubble in the 30r and 99f. Let me win plssssssss

Pure bubbled the 30r in 21st QQ into KK. Such a fkin set up iuhudfrtytuj;oiy]uttkred

AQ can't beat KJ in the 50f to bust just outside the money. Also gone in the 30r ip. Terrible night of pokes. 3 games left, can't wait to bust have a cry wank and then go to bed.

Min cashed in the $99f for $150 losing a flip

That's my lot. Basically threw the 100f on ip didn't really giving a shit and then had yet another suckout in the 9r.

In summary i played a total of 17 comps and cashed in 4. Lost a total of about $ 750 of my own dime plus another $100 of stakers money. The $240 bonus was scant consolation although i think i only ended up losing a total of $500 ish of my own roll. Had alot of 8th-30th place finishes in the last week of so. Oh well, good fkin night fishays.

Gay Much?

2010-12-17T10:00:00.011Z

Supposed to be going out for drinks tonight with some bird but i've just sent her a msg basically blowing her out. I used to date her for a brief period about 10 yrs ago so i've already been there done that etc but recently out of nowhere she's been texting me and stuff and we arranged to meet. She's a good looking bird and and good crack etc plus i'm pretty sure she is up for rumps maybe not tonight but probs on a 2nd or 3rd date. I've also had another ex bird on my case and she's been sending me filth text msgs but again i haven't exactly been too bovved to see her either. I'm starting to question my sexualitay?

If they weren't both ex birds and i hadn't already been there in the past so to speak i might be a bit more up for it. As it is i'm just abit blahhhh. I just can't be bovved to meet up, use all my smooth moves and old Amatay charm just to get my willy wet with a bird where i see no future except the occasional rumpage. I mean yeh I'm all up for the rumpage part its just all the shit pre and post rumping (excluding bloways obv) that i cant be bothered with. Do you understand what i saying or am i a bender?

Pokernews now and errr there's not much to report so far this week. Volume levels have been very poor in comparison to the last 6-7 wks. I think i've only played about 20 ish mtt's jizzing off $800 which is terrible. I did manage to bink this mini mouse tourn but thats it...

Absolute Mess!

2010-12-12T05:57:00.007Z

FML, my sleeping pattern is sooooo fucked up right now. Its probably the worst its ever been in my life tbh and that's some statement. Sleep wise i've got myself into a right mess the last week or so and its a struggle to fight my way out of it, lolz. I was supposed to be going to Brighton today to see a mate but i didn't sleep Friday and then i pretty much slept all day Saturday, sorry Cogs. Its not even funny right now, I'm all over the shop, my body clock is completely fooked! What a cunt i am. I've been in such a sleepy state that i've not played as many tourns as i should, however I've still managed to destroy some of the games that i've been involved in. Tonight i played a total of six mtt's min cashing in three, getting a 5th in the $30r on Ipoker for $900 and chopping this $90f on Party for $1.8k.

Think i've made $3.7k this week which is fkin awesome considering the hrs spent in my wank sack. The weeks ROI must be something like 1048593%. Also i'm currently +$23.5k off my own dime since my mini staking deal started 7 wks ago which i'm obv over the moon about. Maybe all this errr extra rest i'm getting is making me play better, haha. Its has got to stop though seriously, its fkin reeedic. I am reading the game better than ever atm though. I was quite pleased with myself tonight with this cheekay little call on route to chopping up that $90 donko above. Jack hi babay!!!

EPIC FAIL

2010-12-10T05:01:00.006Z

So much for me grinding hard this week and getting back into the gym routine, I've kinda been in hibernation mode and pretty much done fuck all, sigh.

Hours spent playing teh pokerz = 12
Hours sleep = 47 (approx)
Gym Visits = 0
No. of wanks = 9

Had some sleep marathons this week, just not felt like doing much tbh. Only managed two smallish sessions grinding poker at weird times and playing tourns i don't usually play mainly on Full Tilt and Ultimate Bet with one or two games on Partay, Ipoker and Stars. I think i've only played about 20 mtt's in that time which is very shit although I have had a couple of decent results. I managed a 3rd in a $20r on ftp for $1.6k and also binked this little faggot tourn on Stars the other day.

I'm up about $1.4k so far this week which I'm happy about considering what i lazy bastard I've been. Might play a monster sesh Fri night whilst watching the Live Poker Millions Final and then maybe drive to Brighton to see that batty boys Cogs on the Sat then grind abit on the Sunday. Hopefully start a fresh on Monday, need to sort it out, feeling bleurrrgh. Sort it out Jones you fucking twat!

Plans for 2011

2010-12-06T05:17:00.007Z

Part of the reason i've been grinding a decent amount recently is so i can fuck off again and see some more of the world and not have to worry about anything financially. The last 6 weeks has seen me make $20k and i intend to keep grinding a fair amount until the end Jan. At the end of that month I'm playing the APAT Team champs in Bolton with a bunch of the Raisetheriver boys which should be a good crack. After that i'm offski's on my travels again, here's the plan...

February 4th: Phuket, Thailand
February 11th: Bangkok, Thailand
February 14th: Ho Chi Minh, Vietnam
February 19th: Hong Kong and Macau, China (PokerStars Macau Poker Cup )
February 28th: Cebu, Philippines
March 6th: Tokyo, Japan
March 12th: Seoul, South Korea

I'm gonna meet up with that Scottish donko Daleroxxu on his Tour Of Cards thing that he is doing. I've never met the fish before (lolz) but he sent me an email begging his favourite blogger to join him for a few legs of his tour so i thought fuck it, why not? I've met plenty of random poker fish before and haven't come across too many wrong uns yet so I'm sure me the worlds second best blogger will get along fine and have a good crack. If not i'll just go solo and leave him to hook up with some laday boys. If we get along great and have a blast which i'm sure we will then perhaps i'll meet up again with the fishay for a few more parts of his tour later in the year. Everything above is all booked up apart from Tokyo and Seoul which i'm not deffo on yet but i'll probs book later this week. The PokerStars Macau Poker Cup should be good with loadsa Asian idiots and some very affordable tournies (£150-£300). Some beautiful places to visit as well, really looking forward to it.

I expect to get home around the 20th March then the plan is to grind my tits off until early May and then go out to the WSOP in Las Vegas for 2-4 weeks hopefully with the likes of Cogs and Greekstein et. al. After Vegas I'm off to Turkey, (Istanbul) for a week in June with all the lads for my mate Mizon's wedding who is marrying some Turkish bird which will be awesome. Fuck knows what i'll do after that, but while im young, well not old anyways :) and have little responsibility this shit has gotta be done imo. Its the best part of playing poker for a living, it gives you sooo much freedom babay! Just need to get my nut down for two more months and continue shipping good profits. Need to get my lazy ass back in the gym as well because now im grinding i do fk all exercise. Pretty much done fuck all last 6 weeks tbh apart from piss ups at weekends etc. My diet and errr hygenie has been tez aswell. My routine recently has been wake up at midday, wank, go back to sleep, wake up at 2pm ish, wank (Avy Scott ftw), mince, eat (usually chicken, aunt bessay potatoes & veg), grind from around 7pm until 3am, eat (Crunchay noot cornflakes), wank (Mrs Starr, pure milf) sleep, then rinse repeat. Sometimes i go abit crazy and mix up my days having Sausages jacket potatoes and veg instead of the chicken and swap Mrs Starr for Hannah Hilton, incred. Such a sick life i lead! My balls stink atm! Gonna give em a good scrub tomo morn then back in the gym me thinks, laters :)

Run Good Much??

2010-12-03T04:27:00.005Z

Been playing this stupid game for over 6 years now and i've never played as well as i am atm. My game at the stakes i'm playing feels sooo strong right now. The title of this post is abit of tongue in cheek tbh, i mean yeh i'm running good in certain spots, you have to to win tournays. However, i get redic beats all the time its just the fact that im putting in decent volume to over ride the varience. My game feels so fkin sharp, every night i sit down i honestly believe im gonna win another mtt and i usually come close to winning or actually shipping one everytime. I've always been a strong player imo, but my game has gone to another level recently and im starting to play a bit higher mixing in $50 rebuys and playing more $100f and $30r's than i used too.

Since shipping that $30r i posted about on Monday i dropped $500 on Tues and about $750 on Wed. Tonight i managed to get back on track thou, making the final in the $30r on ipoker in 9th, (sigh) the $100f on Partay in 8th (sigh) plus i had two gay results (12th n 17th) in the $30 2r1a on Stars and a $30f, sighhhh. However, i managed to bink the last tourn of the night, the little 8 buck rebuy on pp for a tidy profit of around $2.2k total, weeeeeee.

I think this result will see me move back into the Pocket Fives top 100 in the UK rankings which is alot harder to do than when i was last there. Its no biggie tbh, but it would be nice to see how far i can go. I think the games/stakes im currently playing might see me creep into the top 50-60 in time although to progress any further i will need to start playing/winning $100 rebuys and £200-$300f etc, gulp. Not sure how much volume im gonna play in the first 6 months next yr as i plan to go travelling a fair bit again (more on that soon) so i reckon top 80 ish is the max i can achieve right now. Right, time for some shuteye, laters fish.

West Ham United 4 - 0 Manchester United

2010-11-30T21:49:00.005Z

What a win/performance, absolutely buzzing atm!! Chuffed to bits, i feel like crying with joy lol. Been to see the hammers a few times this season and believe it not i havent seen us lose yet. We should have more points than we currently have and hopefully we can dig ourselves out of the shit that we are in. Win lose or draw i fkin love the hammers! Irons Irons Irons!

Can't Stop Winning

2010-11-30T04:43:00.009Z

Finalled both 30 rebuys on Partay tonight finishing 5th in the eariler $10k gtd and binking the later $5k gtd, weee. Can't stop winning atm, its a great buzz. Made over $18k profit in the last 5 weeks, lovely jubbly. I guess thats the result when i put in some decent volume levels and apply myself, although i must be running good aswell. Since that bink on Stars (see prev post) i've made a ton of other final tarbs and had some very near misses on both Ipoker, Tilt and Party, i think i tweeted about most of them. I came pretty close to winning a Pocket Fives Triple Crown in 24 hrs which would have been incred but it wasn't to be on this occasion.

I've gotta cut out these poker/brag posts and start posting some interesting shit and a few funnies like i used. I've got plenty to write about but i've been a bit lazy with this blog recently. I'll leave you with another screen shot for now fans. Binkatay bink! :)

Four Finals Tonight!

2010-11-26T04:54:00.007Z

Played about 20 comps tonight and the first part of of my session was unreal, beat after fkin beat, i couldn't believe my little eyes. However, in the second part of my session i ran like god and made four final tarbs. 5th 33r Ipoker $950, 4th $99f Party $800, 5th 33f Ipoker $250 and i also managed to bink the 33 2r 1a on Stars for $4.1k, weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee.

Poker has its ups and downs but i feel great about my mtt game atm, i have the ability to get deep soo soooo often. Nights like tonight make it all seem worth well. Things are going pretty well in my life atm and i've hopefully got some exciting news to post in my next entry. [ ] I will update this blog soon, goodnight fishays :)

Binkatay Binks!!!

2010-11-14T22:22:00.015Z

Warning, small brag post alert. Thought i'd update my 'awesome' blog with a few screen shots of recent binks and some decent near binks worthay of mention since my mini staking deal started three weeks ago. I'm +$7k in wk 1, -$1.5k in wk 2 and +$2.7k in wk 3 in mtt's off my own dime, so about $8.2k profit in total. In the staked games i have only managed to play 6 $99 supers in total partly because the servers have crashed on two other occasions cashing in 28th in just one. Its nice to be winning money on my own dime but i really wanna make my investors profit aswell although its still early doors and i'm confident of a return. Here's some screen shots from last 3 wks, binks and a couple of near binks over 4 figs...

I've also made a ton of other finals on Party, Tilt, Stars, Ipoker and Ongame but lot of my results from the last few months havent been posted on this blog but are posted my twitter account because i've been pretty lazy at updating this thing. So i'd suggest all Amatay fanboys n gals sign up and follow me @Amatay on twitter. Laters.

2010-10-24T04:05:00.002Z

Dublin IPO

2010-10-22T00:49:00.003Z

Spent a long wkend in the Emerald Isle for the International Poker Open as i did this time last year and had an really quality trip. Me and Cos (Greekstein) flew out Fri afternoon and i quickly lost the first four small flips to him. Can't remember what they were all for but one of them was for a taxi and another for choice of beds in our hotel room. On the first night we shared a room with Jakattack because there was no space at the Regency and Cos didnt want to sleep in the middle bed. Oh hang on thats wrong, i actually won that flip but sold my bed to Cos for 10 euros lol, wiiii. After meeting up with Jak the three of us fish ventured to the Regency up the road and got tucked into some cash action. However, i only sat for about 2 rounds before me and Jak decided to play the 100f leaving Geekstain to do his bollocks on 2/5. Think i made about 50 ish @ 1/2 in that 5 min spell before we regged for the 100.

The standard was abs shocking as expected, it really is like goin back to the glory days of 2005. I obv got bum raped by one of the donkos @100/200 fish limps utg, button flats and i make it 600 in the sb playing 6k with an ace and another ace :) Both donkos flat and the flops a pretty toastay 10 8 2 rainbow. I C bet and utg donko flats. I check a 4 on the turn and utg just spazzes allin, i snap his penis off and he proudly tables the mightay 10 3. No 10 no 3, no 10 no 3, no 10 nooooo 33333. ofweirugrselhfnmre, down to dust, FML. I then shove my last 5 bigs in with kq and get a treble up and then won another lovely pot with ak v a4 before winning a few more pots here n there to build my stack putting me in an ok position with around 50 left and an above average stack However, things quickly go wrong when bvb sb 4x's it, i have him covered and jam with kq, he snaps with aj and holds. Very next hand i pick up two neufs in the bb with just 15 bigs when the co open, button flats and i shove into kk, sighhhh. gg me. Me and Jak then met up with Rubbish for a few beers and some really horrible munch before getting some shuteye at about 1am ish.

On the Saturday me and Cos had to move hotels but we did so just in time for the Main Event which didn't go well for me. I had one key hand that really fked me up when i opened 104cc in the hj and the bb defended. Cant remember the blinds and stacks etc but he check called my c bet on a 3c4hjh bord. 9c came on turn and oppo checked. I almost bet but elected to check behind having picked up the rear entry floosh draw. I missed my club draw but binked another 4 on the river giving me trips and villian checks. I over bet the river because i knew my line looked super bluffy and the motherlicker re popped me!!??! fml i thought. Pretty tough spot and i didn't like it one bit but still sigh called to be shown 99. sigh ooo sigh, neufs full of 4's, that really damaged my stack. The chav Irish bird on my right was really starting to do my nut and i eventually busted the rest of my chips with 1010 and then 99 a few hans later and joined the lads in the bar, cogs, rubbish, snake, Jak , nocash and his babaysitter Paul, and had a gd laugh all day. I cant be asked to write about some of the little funnies that went on so here are some of the cliffs... Guinness galore, Rugby bets, HU action. Actually i'll stop there coz i have to write something about that ;)

I took on the lads at one of the HU machine and rinsed the lot of em making about 150 odd euros i reckon. THREE times i tore snake eyes apart and once made an epic Qhi call down. Snakey check called my bet on a ajx flop, shit on the turn and it went check check before snake led on a Jack river which was a gd card card for me. I was pretty confident i was ahead on the turn tbh as i felt that Snake fingers was floating me oop because he knew i didnt hit that flop but i saw into his fish soul and hero called to be shown his bullshizz, weeeee. Don't try and bloof the heeds up mastay Snake fingers. I think half my 150ish prof was also made from side betting on the flop texture where i ran pretty good :) Right, few more cliffs, errr Jan Molby, drunk cash action, cogs sulking, Hen Party, Smelly fingers, dirt chinky, crazy bird, coldsaw, that will do.

It took me a while to get going on the Sunday but after scoffing down a lovely roast dins dins most of us played the 100 bountay tourn. Can't really remember too much about it accept that i busted in the mid stages. Congrats to Jak and Paul who came 15th and 18th and to Cogs who finalled and finished 6th. After my exit i got abit mezzed up with a few of the lads in the Regency fkin about and just generally having a good laugh with plenty of banter. Me and Costas ended up playing cash until about 6am where i managed to make a couple of hundo in which i party owe Cos for a nice donation before flyin home in the early hrs. That's about it i think, the weekend probably ranks in my top 3 poker trips tbh, a great mix of people, beers, banter, poker and all round shenanigans which is what its all about, cheers lads.

Cartoon Porn. WTF?

2010-10-12T01:19:00.008Z

Dunno why but i was at the gym today and it just dawned on me wtf is it with cartoon porn? Its correct name is anime porn and i really don't see its appeal?? You bunch of dirtay wanking fish must have come across it a few times when searching for good quality bashing material. Why would you want do knock one out over a couple of carton characters banging away when there is an infinite amount of the real deal online?? Perhaps Joppa will know but i for one am mystified.

Hannah Hilton....

Or Anime....

EDIT:

Shit, just been tod that the pic that was up is illegal, oops. so obv deleted.

mmmmmmmmmm [ ] tough decision. Please discuss.

Will post the shenanigans of my incred life since the last blog report soon, laters

Quick Post (the last few weeks)

2010-08-22T17:25:00.004Z

Can't be bovved to write this shit atm/anymore but i'll put some quick words together just for my fans boys, first up some poker news...
My success on the PLO tarbs as mentioned in my last post soon became a small nightmare. The variance in that game is sooo huge its blinds you and i reckon its very difficult to estimate ones skill level and edge. I believe you need to have played at least 500,000 hands and by that stage the game would have prolly evolved and got tougher etc anyways, esp if it took you a while to play that many hands. In hindsight i think i was abit too naive/cocky and going from 2-3 tarbelling to suddenly 6 tarbelling deffo hurt me. I peaked at $2.4 profit at 0.5/1 inc bonuses after only 6 nights but had a couple of 1k+ downswing sessions, went on tilt and played like a tool. I think im a few hundo in profit mainly due to a bonus but actually a losing PLO fish after two or three weeks of play.
After the PLO i played some 45 mans on ftp and had some good results and a few mtts on Party and Betfair and got loadsa 15th type finishes and gay shit like that. The sickest one was in a $50f with 3k ftw when i got it in with jj v ak v ak for more than double the chips that second place had. Obv the pair of AK cunts chopped up my stack, siiiigh. Best result was a 5th in a 30r but small field, also had a 7th and a 9th in two others and a bastard 16th in a 100f. Knocking on the door and not losing money just not making much profit either. Volume levels still been very poor, its such a mission to play, yawn.
Off the tarbs i've had a few decent days/nights out. Few weeks back i meet up with Cogs in Brighton and had a comedy night. It started well when he binked a small runner £40f at the Rendezvous. Top 6 cashed and i brought 50% of him for 40 nugs when he was 8/8. I knew he was almost a lock to get 6th because he is such a fkin nit he would fold till the money or hopefully pick up a hand and hold, cheers mate ;) Ended up spinning more prof on Roulette then had a gd night in a few bars which included some random bird sticking her tongue in my gob, me pulling away and then falling down on the dance floor ass over tit and dragging her down with me, [ ] fun times.
The following weekend i went to the theatre with the missus to watch Avenue Q which was decent. I saw Wicked as well last year with the bird and used to think the theatre was proper gay but its alright and the missus likes it plus it gets me some gd bloway points. Also had a comedy night out with all the lads for a curry and beers and met the missus after. No bloways that night thou because i reeked of Garlic.
Also had my first job interview for a teaching post a couple of weeks back but got pipped by some bastard who had just come out of an inspection that week and knew all the answer.s It was for a 2 day a wk role at a college in Croyden and the geezer said had it been another day i would have bagged the post. I should get work in Sept but its gotta be right and i deffo dont wanna be working more than three days a week, fook that! Having said that i'll prolly have to work full time soon given my lack of interest in playing online and the fact that Scotch will be moving in a few months so no more Scotch rent money :( Looking for a new roomay if anyones interested? I'm currently in the progress of taking applications, gingers need not apply.
Went to the Oval on Thur with Greekstein, Monda, Longy and Galloway to watch England vrs the Paki's which was alright. The day started well with the pints fllowing from 11am and some small fun bets etc between ourselves but by about 4pm England collapsed and the day kinda died. Still glad i went although i don't think i'll go again tbh, would have been better if the sun was shining and it was a 20/20 or a one day or summat as opposed to the 3rd day of a test match.
Next week i'm going to watch the 'mightay' hammers (we are shit) vrs the mightay Oxford in the League Cup, hopefully we can take em to at least pens to give us half a chance. Also going to Nottingham next wkend for the APAT champs where i plan to take down the 6max tourn and the Main Event. Gonna meet up with a bunch of the RTR fish so it should be fun. Might even play some poker online tomo and Thur as they are both free nights if i can be bovved. Should play tonight tbh but i'm a cunt. Laters.

Grinding Hard

2010-07-30T23:22:00.004Z

Since Sunday i've randomly been playing .5/1 PLO and doin ok making $1.2k with an additional 450 in bonuses with more on its way. I don't think i've grinded this hard in yrs tbh, the only day i had off was Wednesday when i went shopping, saw the missus and watched that new film Inception with Adamski which was really good. Bit disappointed with today sessions actually because i was up about 600 and flying then lost it all then made it back and then fkin lost it all again to finish even for the day. I know 6 buyins can easily be gone in the blink of an eye but a couple of hundo were from really bad play on my part. I should have ended the week with a $2k profit, sigh nevermind. I feel like i have a good grasp of the game though and although i have played PLO plenty of times previous to this week something seems to have clicked for some reason.
I started off with just the one tarble but now im playing upto four. Its also nice to stop n start playing when i want to as well as opposed to mtt's where your there for around 8 hrs per sesh. It reminds me of when i used to grind the nlh 1/2 cash tarbs actually before i turned into a tournay donk. I'm gonna stick with it for now anyways and see if i can continue to make some more dosh from plo and bonuses. Maybe i've just ran good and i know fk all about the game, time will tell. Having the weekend off and going to see that fish Cogs although i think were gonna play a £40f at the Rendavous or summat so not really a day off, should be fun thou. Bye bye fish.

Porn Links Return!!

2010-07-20T17:17:00.003Z

Don't worry fish, the porn links are now back on my blog and can be found in the normal place (just scroll down, bottom right). Been on a nice five day relaxing hol with my bird to Spain and came back to a few comments and emails asking me where the links had gone. I had wondered why hits were down to an all time low tbh. Anyways, i'm not sure what happened but its all fixed now so no need to bombard my inbox. JJay, Adam and my thousands of other fanboys can now return to www.amatay.blogspot.com in search of their daily fix of pornographic materials. Happy wanking.

Late Night Donkaments

2010-07-14T02:15:00.004Z

My Twitter account on the right just about sums up my recent stint on the cyber felt in the last few nights, a story of near misses with one mini bink. I played Saturday, Monday and Tuesday regging for 9pm until 12pm, usually finishing up around 3am. As is usually the case with donkaments i could have easily been looking at anything between a $4-7k profit but i think i broke about even which fkin sucks. The two major disappointments were the 9th in a $50f $15k gtd on PP when my kings couldnt hold versus AK for the world and also tonight on Ipoker in a $100f $10k gtd when my bullets were no match versus AQ for the CL which ultimately sent me to the rail in 12th. I've also had a couple of gay 16th places, sigh.
Both PP and especially IP have greatly reduced their gtd's as i mentioned in my previous post and i noticed that the bastards had slashed even more in the last 24hrs. I'm telling you the money is slowly disappearing out of the game at these stakes, its quite worrying tbh. Not sure whether i'll continue to play these particular tourns because of this and also the fact that i really don't enjoy playing this late anymore. Its the first time this year i have started to play late night mtt's again and it really fucks me up, its not healthy.
Other than the pokes i've just been chilling out enjoying the sunshine, i must have been to about 4 or 5 different BBQ's around friends places in the last couple of weeks, loving the weather. Also went to the Wireless Festival in Hyde Park the other week which was a fkin blast. Applied for a couple of part time jobs aswell today so fingers crossed. Goin to Spain tomo with kels so looking forward to that, laters fish.

Looking For Work

2010-07-08T22:27:00.004Z

After two and an half yrs of Poker providing my only source of income i'm actively searching for employment. Obviously this is not on a full time basis, i'm not that fucking crazy, i'm just looking at anything from a 0.6 contract to basic scraps, an hr here an hr there etc. For those fish who don't know i quit a decent job as a Lecturer in Sport & Exercise Sciences in Dec 2007 and decided to turn to the darkside and play Poker for a living. Its something that at the time i gave a great deal of thought to and is something i don't regret one little bit. I was bored with my job and i was making more money from playing pokes for about 3 years previous to my resignation and have since continued to make more money.

However, i foresee a few problems which may hit alot of full time poker fish in the next couple of yrs. Firstly, peoples salaries are only going to continue to increase in future years whilst that of a poker player will only stay the same or most probably decrease as a result of the ever increasing difficulties of beating the game for a nice monthly wage. Unless you beat the game at decent stakes etc i see a shit load of problems especially for all those fish out there that play 1000000 sngays a month and earn 50c to $1 per game etc. They might aswell be data inputers tbh, its pretty tez to do that day after day, week after week and ultimately every month and year etc, fook that!

Whilst i'm still gonna be playing poker to hopefully make money and supplement income made from employment i don't wanna be reliant on Poker my whole life, no way pedro! I predict that it will be tough to make a living out of Poker in 2-3 years time and i don't wanna big fuck off five year gap on my C.V. I bet you there are gonna be alot of younger fish out there in a few years who maybe have very few qualifications and/or work experience who started playing poker at a relatively young ish age (some straight from school)/college) who are gonna be screwed. Maybe its a bit harsh and not relevant to everyone but you get my point.

I worked 'hard' to get my degrees and teaching qualifications and i dont want that to be wasted plus it will be good to mix up the days n weeks, bit of Pokes, teaching, Redtube etc. The social element is also another obvious reason i guess. Although i think i'm better than most poker fishays at sustaining a life outside of the game i still get fucking bored to tears sometimes, so a weee bit of normalitay will do me good. Oh another thing, fuck me the gtd's on alot of tourns are dropping at an alarmingly rate ain't they? Jeeeboss! I randomly went onto PP and IP last night and sooo many gtd's have been slashed. For example i remember winning a little faggot $5r with a $10k gtd on Party Poker twice in two weeks which attracted about 500 odd runners. Yesterday i checked and its now an $8r with 120 runners! Its the same story with all the slightly bigger buyin mtts that i used to play, the $20r, $30r, $50f and $100f all have smaller fields and consequently smaller gtd's. Oh yeah, one more thing... whats the deal with the Frenchie's and Italians being banned from Poker, is that true? Nightmares if so because them plums are generally fooking terrible at the game.

Poker has been sooo good to me. It gave me some financial stability, even though my million dollar bankroll is slowly dwindling. I payed off a nice chunk of my mortgage and it has paid for all my bills and living costs etc. I have been on a shit load of holidays... Andorra (Snowboarding), Las Vegas (donating), Sweden, (rumping), Dublin, (donating again), Spain (3 times, relaxing), Egypt (missus), Caribbean, (cruising Miami, Puerto Rico, St Thomas, St Maarten) and spent four incred months travelling the East Coast of Oz and New Zealand. I've also met a bunch of new people through poker and become good friends with a number of them. Bit of a brag that last paragraph but i don't care, i'm proud of myself. I can't complain, life as a 'full time' poker bum has been alright :)

This isn't the end just yet, i still need to find work. Today i went into Central London and had a chat with a few peeps and registered with a Teaching Agency which will hopefully find me some teaching roles for September that can fit in with what i want. There is also another job i'm gonna go for as well which is a Further Education Sports Coordinator £12k a yr for only two days a week, i think i can just about handle that.

Pokerwise, the plan is to try and play mtt's again and move up the P5 ranking especially as they now have World Rankings which may provide me with added motivation to see how far i can climb. I'm also gonna start playing on PP and IP again. In hindsight i've probably been a bit of a twat for not really playing the tourns on these sites since i got back from NZ. I've always been a decent winning mtt player on IP and my stats on PP are very pretty. I also wanna do well in more live tournays and jazz up my Hendon Mob Profile as i havent really tested myself enough in a live setting. I'm playing the APAT Main Event and 6 max tourns in Nottingham at the end of August and will again be travelling to Dublin in Oct for the IPO. This post has turned out longer than i had planned for so i will shut up now, laters.

I Miss This...

2010-06-27T23:03:00.004Z

Two months back in the UK and already i'm getting itchy feet again, WTF is wrong with me? Arrrgh i dunno, life i good its just i don't know what i want from it, i never have done. Feel crushed about the World Cup today but its just a game etc at the end of the day, blah fkin blah. Poker motivation is low and me and the missus are a bit weird atm aswell. Arrrrgh, i should STFU, i'm a lucky bastard huihgouihufxdertfgtg. Check this out.... Highlight of my trip, wat a fkin buzz. Bungeeeeeeee!

He's my SkyDive aswell. I look and sound a bit of a prat but so what, i don't care, incredible experience...

Put these pics on a previous post but no harm posting em again just to remind myself of some gd times and also as a mini brag :) amazing....

My World Cup Routine...

2010-06-21T23:24:00.007Z

Been an absolute bum the last 10 days since the World Cup started, the Amatay of old. No exercise (apart from a few rumps) and no poker (until today for about one hr) and my diet has been relatively poor, been a bit of a slob tbh. My daily routine looks like this atm...

Wake up about midday and watch the first WC game in bed, sometimes the first two usually squeezing in a nice wank in between the games. If the bird stayed round the previous night i sometimes muster up a little bit of energy before she goes to work at 8am ish to give her a few of my best pumps before getting some much needed kip before KO.

Once i climb out of my wank pit i generally mince online and/or do myself some munch. I keep knocking up these nutter chicken wraps atm, i fooking love em. Reggae Reggae Sauce FTMFW! Scotch usually gets home around 5pm having done a hard days graft whereas i have only been fully awake for a few hrs.

Once breakfast or lunch or dinner (whatever you wanna call it) has been consumed its just about time for WC game number three, weeee. I watch that sometimes with Scotchy if hes not busy pummelling his poor girlf or watch it on my jack jones whilst usually wasting my life online reading forums and other shizz. After the game its time for a late night snack, tonight i had i bowl of Crunchy Nut Cornflakes, the food of champions i'm sure you'll all agree. If the birds round i go to bed early ish and give her the best five minutes of her life before shut eye if not i usually mince online for a few more hrs before knocking another one out and then go bed. The last 10 days or so has pretty much followed this pattern apart from a couple of messy nights out on the piss. Also in my defence i did have the dreaded man flu last week which has fucked up my sleeping pattern. I'm living the dream babay!

The Empire, World Cup and the Dreaded Man Flu

2010-06-16T18:42:00.005Z

Been laid up in bed the last two or three days with the dreaded man flu feeling proper ropee and haven't really done anything since Saturday night. Last week the volume levels were terrible, although i have made a decent ish profit this month given the amount of games i've played. Its not good enough though but meh whatever, zzzzz.

Had that massive fish from Brighton Cogs round for a couple of days last week. On the Wed night we just smashed our way through a few 45 manners with me making $200 despite being stuck $700ish at one point and Cogs doing his little mincy bollocks in. On the Thur we went to the Empire and although i generally get the hump with live poker i quite enjoyed it. Firstly we played a redic £25 KO with 39 runners where you needed to bring all your luck boxing skills. The players are sooo bad its really funny. My exit hand was comedy with two fish limping for about 10-20% of their stack i looked down at A10 in the bb and got the rest of my bowl of rice in the middle. Two limper's call, flop was something like 623, the first fish checked and the second announced allin into the dry sidepot then turned over A8, 8 on the turn lol, wp mate. Cogs busted a few minutes later, kk no gd versus 77 :)

After the redic turbo tourn the pair of us sat down at some lol £1/2 cash game. I got involved in alot more pots than i usually do and had fun. I really should play alot more hands especially as the players are sooo tez and i believe i have a huge edge. Its something Greekstein and Kennl made me realise when i played with them in Dublin and Sydney. I can't be bothered to go into any HH's but after at least 5 hrs i was broke even which was a little disappointing, Cogs did his little mincy bollocks in again :) he is sooo bad.

One hand i will briefly mention albeit a small sized £30 pot which came against this fishy Chinese bloke. Fish limps utg, i complete in the sb with 56cc and bb checks. Flop A29 and decided to bet into the pair of them with complete air. sb folds and donk face calls. Turn is a 10c giving me a rear entry floosh draw so i fired again and again fish face calls, sigh. King on the river and i miss my draw (i never hit) and just decided to give up because i felt that this bastard was gonna call with any pair. I ask donk face what he's got and he turns round to me in a somewhat aggressive manner and asks what i have. After about 30 second of asking to see each other cards and me being reluctant to show my shizz i just muck my 56hi and he laughs and turns over 54hi for a missed gutshot, dfiuhflguerhcj. Its my fault and i should show my hand but i was like i cant beat fook all (apart from 54 and 34 obv). The way he laughed in my face pissed me off but like i said its my fault.

On Saturday night i drank myself into oblivion down my old footy club with a few friendly old faces and had a good crack. Shame about the result but its not the end of the world. It does fk me off when people who know little or nothing about football with 80% probably not even watching much footy during the season start slagging off England thou, stfu you CUNTS. Also yes Rob Green made a horrendous mistake but he is England no 1 ffs. It was no surprise to me that he was chosen between the sticks, i mean he has started most of the qualifying games so why wouldn't he. I'm obv a tad bias being a hammer but i will be gutted if he doesn't start versus Algeria, he might as well go home if he doesn't. I could bore you with shit loads of my thoughts on the World Cup this year but its just my opinion and i am just one of the many thousands of 'experts' in this fickle country. One last thing though, lol at all the people calling for James, how many fk ups has he made in the past. In short keep Green, get Upson in defence and maybe Westham can win the World Cup again just like we did in 1966, laters!

World Cup Betting

2010-06-11T10:54:00.014Z

Got quite a few small bets on the World Cup this year to keep my simple mind entertained whilst i 'grind' the high stakes mtt's ($26 45 manS) on Full Tilt...

Raise The River Forum - $20 sweepy i got Holland and Ghana. Winner 50% of $320 prizepool, 2nd 35% and 3rd 15%. Also tiny top scorer sweepy $10 and only 5 of us little fish and each of us have 5 players lol. Got Rooney, Van Persie (injured?), Tevez, Forlan, Poldolski, $50 ftw.

Blonde Forum - £10 sweepy i got England (weeee) £175 - Winner, £100 - Runner Up, £45 Worst team. Also a £25 sweepy i got Greece (sigh, fml etc) £450 - Winner, £250 - Runner Up, £100 - Worst team. £10 Top scorer comp i got Rooooney Rooooooney Rooooooooney! £175 - 1st, £100 - 2nd, £45 - 3rd.

Also doing one of those predict every result, teams to qualify for the QF, Semi and Final things with a bunch of other people, gg another £10.

Lastly i've just decided to bet $10 on the outcome of every game. So 64 games total starting balance of $640. Check it

The amount i wager might change depending on my balance and state of mind

South Africa v Mexico Draw 3.20
France to beat Uruguay 2.15

Lets gogogooooo!

EDIT:

Day 1 +12

Decided to increase bet size already in Day 2 (ut oh), tomo picks..

S. Korea v Greece Draw $10 2.75
Argies to beat Nigeria $50 1.4
England to beat Yanks $20 1.5

Seeing as i've blown out the $10 on each game, 64 games so $640 total stake i'll give myself a $500 starting balance. I will NOT donate any more than that.

Starting Balance $500
Current Balance $512

Sigh, just realised the odds i'm getting on pp are fkin tez. Been advised to use this www.bestbetting.com or get myself on Betfair.

Right, just reactivated Betfair acc and about 70% ish of prices seem better so to confuse things further i'll use both accounts. So lets say my starting balance on pp is $400 and £200 on Betfair.

FML, completely scrape that bullshit, Betfair is better across the board. After tomo games i'll only be using Betfair and i'll convert any profit/loss from $$$ on pp into £££ on BF. Starting balance will be £400. Lets goooooooooooo!

Day 2: -$10. Overall Profit/loss $2 (Sigh Rob Green)

Day 3: Still on Party Poker

Slovenia to beat Algeria $15 2.20
Serbia Ghana Draw $10 3.20
Australia to beat Krauts $20 6.50 (Come on you Ozzays!!)

Day was looking gd with the slov win and the ghana serb game 0-0 with 5 mins left, sigh. My optimistic flutter on the Ozzays didnt work out so $12 loss today (such swings)
Sticking my betting roll on Betfair as better odds than partay.

Starting Bal: £400
Current Bal: £394

Todays picks

Holland to beat Denmark £25 1.53
Cam v Jap Draw £10 3.35
Italy to beat Para £15 2.24

All future results posted HERE from now on.

This is getting on my tits...

2010-06-07T23:59:00.003Z

Final tables galore atm in these fucking $26 45 mans but i keep getting shafting. Last 7 games on the go last night and i'm at 6 final tarbs, mbn etc etc well its not fucking nice when i busto 6th 6th 6th 5th 4th and 2nd and then fire up 10 more games and busto the lot making a measly $110 profit. The same fooking thing happened tonight, final tarbs all over the shop and i busto 7th twice when QQ and KK cant beat Ax for a monster stacks in both and 8th in two other games ending up making a massive 105 dollario. Sooooooo frustrating these fkin things but the realitay of it is that in the long term you can't really expect to make any more than $5-7 bucks per game, the nature of these things don't allow you to. The problem is i need to be playing 1k games a month which all need to be $26 buyin to make $5k+ but they are sooo boring. I really wanna get back to playing the $30r and the $100f but i'm not gonna jump back into them games just yet until im sufficiently rolled so i'm just gonna plough on i guess. This blog is fucking boring, laters.

Scorchio!

2010-06-03T17:14:00.004Z

Nothing better than some glorious sunshine, exercise, some run good and a nice bloway to get that feel good factor going again and three outta four ain't bad. The missus is coming round later as well so hopefully i'll end up with a full hoooouse before the end of day, starfish poseatay FTMFW! Volume wise the start of the month has been poor but i've been lucky to make $800 so far with an additional $200 from rb and tokens on its way so its been a decent couple of days. It could have been alot better had i not managed to get really unlucky in a $44 comp today.
I was 1/14 and crushing everyone then played a hand vrs the table tool. I open utg+1 with 10 8cc and fish peels on the booton, flop is 8hi with 2 cloobs, NICE! I bet and donkface flats. I know i have him by the ballbag so elect to check call a deuce turn as there is little value in betting him off his hand or betting and facing a raise just in case he flopped a monster. I could have check jammed but i just felt i had him beat and he had air so i wanted to give him the chance to bluff the river. Queen on the rivee and the cunt obv binks his KQhh 4 outer and i check call. I played it well imo and get a ton more value with my line because of the times he misses and bluffs the river, sigh. If i'd have won that hand i would have had a redic CL. That hand did knock me back but i was still 3/12 i think but decided to 4 bet pre twice and twice i was faced with 5 bet shoves, oops. Either i was outplayed or walked into a monster, i probs got soul read innit. Anyways i ended up short stacked and as a result eventually boosted in 7th when my A7 lost to K10 :( Oh well nevermind, at least the sun is still shining the weather is sweeeet yeah, make you wanna move those dancing feet yeeeeah do do do do do...

June Goals

2010-06-01T10:35:00.002Z

Gonna mainly stick with these 45 mans for at least one more month and the target is to play at least 1000 games with about 100ish 90 mans and 50 odd small buyin mtt's. I played a total of 854 games on ftp last month which is a crazy amount for a lazy bastard like me. Hopefully i can improve on that and win more than i did in May, lets gogogogogoooooo!

Lets Destroy My Monthly Profits!

2010-05-31T12:36:00.023Z

Live updates coming up....

Currently playing 45 n 90 mans on ftps, already stuck :(

Playing against the worst players in the world and losing, speaks volumes imo.

5th in a $26 45 man, incred scenes!!

2nd in a $13 90 man. Played HU like a penis.

Hoping to use any profits from these gay things to play the some larger field mtt's including the $33r and $100f on pa pa pa parrrtay tonight. [ ] its goin well.

6th in a $11 45 man. whoopeeeee.

Trying to get back into top 100 on ftp leaderboard as it's worth a $26 token, every pennay counts atm. Currently 112th

Bord

6th in a $26 45 man, still bord.

These cunts never fkin miss

Break time, 5 games left, might have a scan on RedTube.

Plz let me win a few hundo, feel like playing some ohmahahahahaha with the profs

5th in a shitty 11 buck game. Will i ever win a 50/50 again?

Arrrrgh, busted my last $26 game in 3rd.

Made $3 (three) profit, weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee.

Might play later.....

Time for some more 'fun' n games, gonna invest about $400 ish and hopefully make more than 3 fkin doll.

I HATE THIS FUCKING GAME SOMETIMES!!!

Just bubbled a $26, can't believe my 53o didn't get there :)

Just feel like i'm gonna lose every showdown atm, its fkin sick!

I can't win anymore. Break even or small losing seesions for about 18 days now. dhgtkjuljoilku

4 tarbs left and 3 of them are fkin $11 games and i'm in for $500. gfcgreshtniu

Thinking about blowing these 45 manner games out and going back to the normal mtts even thou i aint properly rolled for them because of money spent in Oz n Nz and funds i'm owed. The $10-$30r and $30-$100f. Arrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrgh

4th in an $11, first cash of the night, redic!

3rd in an $11 last game. Had enough, lost almost $400 tonight. Only won $3k total in May which is soooo shit especially as i was up $3.5k after about 10 days. New grind tomo, must improve.

Mega Pissed Off

2010-05-27T22:41:00.003Z

Didn't play this morn or arvo and wasted the day which sort of annoyed me, so in my already semi tilted mind i played a smallish session tonight and dropped $500 getting unlucky in spots but generally playing like a didn't really care. Fucking pissed off atm as i have basically broken even during the last two weeks. Monthly totals looking pretty shit now at about $3.5k. Don't think i can even face the grind tomorrow, need to get my lazy ass back in the gym Looking forward to a fresh grind in June so i can refocus, laters.

I Feel Violated

2010-05-26T18:42:00.002Z

Played for about 6 hrs yesterday and felt pretty hard done by but managed to break even after a torrid morning and early afternoon. Thinking today could not get any worse i was sadly mistaken, fml i had a shocker. Started at 8am and finished 11.5hrs later playing almost 100 games and at one point i was in for almost $1.1k which is a fair amount playing these shitty little things. I sat here for about 3 hrs in disbelief at the beats i was on the end of and the redic terrible plays by sooo many fish. How the fuck do they play soooo fkin bad? Are these real people ffs? Surely people cannot be this stupid, they play their hands so back to front sometimes. I've said it many many times but it boggles my fkin mind sometimes it really does, jeeeeboss! Anyways, i struggled on like a true warrior determined to recover some of my losses and eventually broke even again, incredible scenes of jubilation in the Amatay household were had.
No wonder i'm having breathing/heart problems atm, the stresses of having to witness sooo many showdowns in these things may be too much to take! Oh well nevermind, im just relieved i managed to get out of it again for the day. I'm gonna hammer it again tomo and Friday and then see where i'm at before the bank holiday wkend. I'm looking to make $1k+ in the next two days otherwise i'm gonna be disappointed with this month especially having had such a red hot start, laters.

I Thought I Was Gonna Die Today

2010-05-24T17:23:00.005Z

Whilst i was playing on the cyber tarbs today i think i had some sort of a mini seizure. I was blasting through my usual games in pure donk mode getting shafting here there and every fooking where when i came over all strange. After a small twinge in my chest I suddenly started sweating profusely, i felt really weak, like i was gonna puke and i couldn't breathe properly. Honestly i was quite frightened tbh and i still don't feel right even now, thats what the stress of these high stakes mtt's does to ya! :)
Despite getting bum raped beyond belief this morning and early afternoon, i managed to swerve most of the idiots terrible plays and out draws towards the end of the day and bank a $630 win although i'm still not happy with my game atm. There's one thing is particular that i keep doing which i won't discuss here but its summat i need to cut out. STOP playing like a twat Jones!! Anyways, hopefully i can stick to winning ways throughout the rest of the week and cut out some of the shit that's crept into my game.
My wkend was pretty cool with the lads on Sat with the bbq in the arvo and then beers galore in Islington. After the munch we went to some karaoke bar where u hire out this room for a couple of hrs and basically get off you nut and sing your heart out, it was pretty funny. After that it was just beers beers beers at various places in the Angel area. Obv i had a horrible hangover next day but i recovered at my mom's after a delish Sunday dins dins. I then met up with the bird and we spent the evening in Windsor which was really nice, such a wicked day weather wise.
FML, i still feel like shizz, gonna have a lie down, hopefully this isn't my last ever post, laters.

Volume>Skill

2010-05-21T23:19:00.004Z

Playing like a complete donk atm. I've lost/abandoned some of my subtle qualitays and i've just just turned into a shove monkey with no patience. Doing shit like open shoving Ax with too big of a stack, making redic 4 bets with filth having convinced myself they are on the shizz and i walk into QQ+ and also stacking off too light to 3 bets shoves with hands like 66-99 hoping for a race. Having said that i made about about $400 prof yesterday and in what turned out to be a frustrating day today a mere $100 profit although i didnt quite manage to break even this week.

Its all about volume tbh, the more games i play the more i probably win even thou im not playing aswell as i can and my roi and pretty stats are not looking as pretty as they once were my winrate will probably increase using this method and its all about making $$$ at the end of the day. Ran quite shit in the 45 man games this wk which i guess was to be expected given that i ran shit hot the previous week although i've had some semi decent results in 90 mans and managed a 3rd today in a small field $44 mtt to kinda compensate. Its a fucking grind but its been ok so far and i don't mind playing, i just need to try and win $10k+ over May and June to get me back on track so i can play other stuff. Also making a few extra quid from other poker related stuff atm which helps and is a nice bonus.

Weekend off from poker so its good to have the kind of routine i got going on at the moment playing from between 9-11am and finishing around 3-5pm ish with the occasional small evening session. I still need to up the hrs tbh but im a lazy bastard :) I havent played at night once since being home which is good although it hurts my hourly rate because there just aint enough games during the day UK time . Gotta BBQ tomo with mates in the arvo then out for friends b'day in the evening at some place in Islington, looking forward to it, laters.

Women!!!

2010-05-19T17:19:00.003Z

I fucking hate the cunts sometimes! Arrrrrghhhhhhhhhhhhhh. I had some stupid row with Kels last night which started with a redic arguement about who takes up most of the bed (definately her btw) and now i feel like shit. Had the worst sleep ever and today has been fkin awful, i feel terrible, proper bad :( I tried to play poker today but couldn't concentrate at all and donked off $150 before having the sense to log off otherwise i would have jizzed off alot more. Played all day yesterday and broke even, mega pissed off atm. ][popiuy5weqertilkihgiyutsawre. Feel gutted :( :(

Winning Run Comes to an End

2010-05-17T20:24:00.003Z

I played a bit on Friday and won $300 (inc $70 rb) and also played a wee bit on Saturday this time breaking even. However, today saw me lose $600 which is no big deal and was too be expected i guess :( That's about it on the poker front tbh as i've spent most of my time since the last post with the missus. We had a couple of nice meals, a few good rumps ;) and spent a nice little day out yesterday visiting Madame Tussauds and then the London Dungeons which was a good laugh. Gonna be back on the grind tomo and i also really need to get my lazy ass back in the gym as i realised today that it been about three weeks since i last done any exercise which is pretty shit. That will do for now, short n sweet, laters.

Still Playing Good and Running Insane!

2010-05-13T21:26:00.002Z

Its just what i needed after not playing much all year and doing my brains in Oz and NZ some nice solid profit. I ran redic hot yesterday making $850 after a very short lazy sesh but today was very different. I sat here for 8 hrs and ground out a $520 win after being stuck almost $700 half way through the day, so it was a decent comeback. Not sure what else to say except that i am enjoying playing poker atm. The longer i sit in front of this lappy playing poker the more money i win, its as simple as that. That might sound kinda arrogant to some people but that's just how it is, its a nice feeling to have i guess. I'm semi expecting a downswing soon because my results for May thus far are unsustainable but im still gonna play again tomo morn/afternoon then have the wkend off i think as i have a few plans and things to look forward too, life is good.

Printing Money

2010-05-11T21:29:00.011Z

That’s how it feels sometimes playing these small field games, its like printing money. I’m still not playing a ton of volume but im doing ok and im playing good and running good which is obv a good combination innit :-) I don’t think there are that many fish out there that play these type of games better than me tbh. I play them differently to most of the decent regs imo, im not just all about blast folding im a bit more subtle than that at times. Also I don’t use any of the software bollocks that’s available like Holdem Manager, Poker Tracker, SnGay Wiz, HUD, blah blah fkin blahhhh. I play weird at times but I find a way and I do pretty good for myself. Managed to make another $800 today which was nice and although the games are getting tougher there is still soooo much value imo. Here’s a few stats and pretty graphs…

Start of the Rebuild

2010-05-10T21:31:00.006Z

Not exactly setting the world alight atm and its not helped that i keep losing connection which has limited my volume levels and also cost me a few bucks. One afternoon the connection went for over 3 hrs which prob cost me between $300 and $800 ish as i was deep in four 26 buck 45 man games which fked me right off. I'm only playing 45 manners to start with plus a few random 90 mans and other small tourns thrown in. I started playing Tuesday and by Wednesday afternoon i was stuck $800, however i turned that around Wednesday night making $1.1k and have since added another $750 profit playing a bit on Thursday arvo and today. Most of the winnings have come from the 45 man games although i did get a 2nd in a tiny $10r on ftp today (raped HU) and had a close call in a 44 doll 70 runner mtt busting on the boob in 8th when my pock biatches ran into the booolets and didn't improve, sigh.
Thats about it tbh, a really boring post. Not swam with any Dolphins recently, didn't go to any beaches last week and haven't done any bungy jumps or Sky Dives either. Oh, i did go to Ikea last week, that was pretty special and i went round my mom's for a Sunday roast din dins with Kels yesterday, exciting stuff. It is kinda strange being home, back to realitay and everything is the same, not that i would expect anything or anyone to be any different, i mean i was only travelling for 14 weeks. One of the bastard things is chatting to some of the people who i met that are still out there travelling the world, i could soooo do 12+ months i reckon. It has been nice spending time with Kels thou tbh, she's lovely and im already planning some possible future holidays. Im hopefully gonna take Kels to Spain mid July for her b'day and i'm also looking at a poss trip to Bulgaria (Sunny Beach) early August for a poker tourn as there is a good chance i can get free accom there. Need to plan things like this to keep me motivated to play and give me summat to aim for. Got some other good shit to look forward to as well with a few mates which is cool, i've just gotta get my nut down and play, laters.

Qualitay interview with Ziigmund

The End Of An Amazing Trip

2010-05-03T19:48:00.009Z

I've been home for four days now and back to realitay after what has been an amazing 14 week trip to Oz n NZ. Its ok being home, i'm fine with it atm and its been gd to see Kels and my family the last few days and hopefully i'll catch up my some of my mates in the forthcoming days n weeks. Its incredible to think of some of the places i have seen and some things i have done in such a short space of time much of which i havent yet blogged about but i will do soon. I honestly do not know where to start there is sooo much to write about and i have a few thousand pics from my travels. What a fun fkin tastic adventure.....

In Australia I went to Melbourne, Airlie Beach, Agnes Water, Rainbow Beach, Noosa, Brisbane, Surfer's Paradise, Coolngatta, Byron Bay, Port Maquarie, Newcastle and Sydney. In New Zealand i visited Christchurch, Kaikoura, Picton, Nelson, Marahau, Barry Town, Franz Josef, Makarora, Queenstown, Wellington, Taupo, Auckland, Hahei, Raglan and Rotorua.

In Oz I sailed the WhitSunday Islands snorkelling some amazing parts of the ocean with incredible coral and sea life and explored White Haven Beach (Lonely Planets top ten beach in the world). I done a three day two night self drive camping trip on Fraser Island (biggest sand Island in the world) and swam in Lake Mckenzie. I went to the Australian Open Tennis Championships, played poker at the Aussie Millions in the Crown Casino in Melbourne and went to the races at Flemmington Park. I travelled up the Great Ocean Rd and visited Phillip Island. I learnt to surf in Agnes Water, Noosa, Surfer's Paradise and Byron Bay and went on some beautiful costals/beach walks and runs as well as some wicked bush hikes. I went fishing in Noosa and Port Mac, checked out a hippy town called Nimbin and finally met my 'idol' Mr Kennl (massive online donkay). Sydney was incred, the Opera House, Darling Harbour, Rocks Market, the famous beaches, fk me what a place. I watched The Prodigy (one of my all time faves) perform live in Newcastle and also went to watch two World Championship surf events in Coolngatta and on Bondi Beach in Sydney. I fed Kangaroo's and Emu's and saw some amazing wildlife like Koala Bears, Wallabies, Giant Turtles, Penguins, Stingrays, shit loads of colourful birds and fishays, big fk off lizards and insects etc etc and met sooo many different and interesting people from all over the globe. There is probably a bunch of stuff that i have missed out from Australia but NZ was just as good if not better...

I swam with a pod of 150-200 Dolphins, went Cray Fishing and also swam with wild Seals in Kaikoura. I kayaked alongside and walked through the Abel Tasmen National Park and climbed the Fox Glacier in Franz Josef. I Bungee Jumped the Nevis High Wire in Queenstown (massive buzz) and Sky Dived Lake Taupo which is the size of Singapore! I done the Tongariro Crossing (Lonely Planet's top ten walk in the world), climbed Rangitoto volcano in Auckland and went Luging in Rotoroa. I abseiled/climbed one of the Glow Worm caves in Waitomo and went White Water Rafting down the Kaituna River going over the highest commercially ridden waterfall in the world. I saw places like the beautiful Lake Wanaka, Punkaki Rocks (Pancake Rocks), Cape Foulwind, Mirror Lake and Huka Falls which can fill an Olympic sized swimming pool every three seconds. I went on a couple of good Mountain Bike rides in Raglan and Picton, went on a few more of my little runs, walks and bush hikes and also met a shit load more peeps, alot more than i did in Oz.

There is so much i could write about tbh and this is just a kinda summary of my trip. I will be writing up my entire journay in more detail in the future weeks if any really gives a shit but the posts and pics will mainly be for me and my memories. Tomorrow i start to play poker properly again and i'm kinda semi looking forward to challenging myself and starting to rebuild my roll again. I did play abit online whilst travelling and also played in various casinos in Melbourne, Sydney, Auckland and Queenstown with nothing much to shout about losing about $1k ish in total. I basically need to get my nut down and earn some $$$ as my poker and life roll hasn't been as low as it is now for a long looong time. I'm also owed a ton of money atm which is not good and i sort of feel uncomfortable about that but there is nothing i can do right now, its outta my control. I'll be making regularly updates on my progress this month, hopefully i can play and run good, laters.

Sky Dive Taupo!

2010-04-21T09:00:00.013Z

Decided to jump out of a plane at 15,000 ft in Taupo yesterday, fuck knows what i was thinking but it was a pretty amazing experience and i'm glad i did it. The buzz it gave me was very different from the rush I felt from doing the Nevis Bungee in Queenstown a few weeks ago, it was a lot less scary imo and the kick I got out of it wasn’t as great although the Sky Dive was still incredible. With the Bungee its obviously you that has to throw yourself off and with a Sky Dive once you’re in the plane you are pretty much fooked lol. The Sky Dive is mad because I was free falling for 60 seconds and after about 10 ish secs I’m actually travelling at terminal velocitay and your brain has no depth of perception at that height so you cant feel yourself falling. When the parachute opens you just hang there at a redic height for a good few minutes and its kinda more relaxed, a sort of warm floaty feeling.

Weather wise the day was just perfect without a single cloud in the sky so I had to nail it yesterday or I‘d have regretted not jumping. The views were pretty special with the skies being sooo clear that I could actually see both the east and west coast and also the whole of Lake Taupo which is the size of Singapore, incred!
I’ve posted a few snaps below and also got a DVD of the whole thing which is quite funny, I’ll post both the Bungee Jump and Sky Dive vids when I get home. The pics of me landing are quite comedy as well as it looks like I’m shitting myself but on the DVD I’m constantly grinning from ear to ear lovin it. Infact I was really relaxed about the whole jump whereas I felt quite sick at the thought of doing the Bungee Jump. Perhaps the feeling i would have experienced from both may have been different if i'd Sky Dived first as opposed to Bungee jumping Nevis? I don’t think I’d Sky Dive again but I would deffo Bungee again although it would probably have to be high enough to be worth it, China has the highest Bungy Jump in the world apparently. Both jumps have given me a great sense of achievement and its an experience I will never forget, I love New Zealand, laters.

The Difficultays of Long Distance Relationships

2010-04-08T07:55:00.005Z

A couple of real LOL incidents happened to me this past week that i thought were worthay of a mention in this shit blog of mine...

The first one involved my bird Kels who i'd previously asked a few days ago to send me a couple of saucy pics of herself to errr keep me going whilst i'm travelling about in New Zealand. Basically we had been exchanging a few filthay messages to each other on the mob when i suggested that she sent me a pic of her tits n pussy via Facebook to my private inbox however, it was pretty late and i ended up dozing off. The next morning i woke to a text msg from Kels claiming that she had sent me a piccy of her tits but she was unsure if she had done it correctly what with being a bit of a Facebook novice. I couldn't get online at the time and instead went out in a place called Picton for a mammoth bike ride and kinda forgot about the whole conversation.

It was mid afternoon ish by the time i returned back to the hostel and after a nice leisurely soak in the spa i decided to go online for a bit. One of the first sites i visited was Facebook, i clicked on top news and BAM what do i see but a pair of nice big boobies staring right at me! It took me about 2-3 seconds to compute with my first thoughts being one of bemusement but after rubbing my eyes and upon closer inspection i was like FML, i recognise those puppies, thats my Kels tits, WTF!!! The stupid bitch had only posted a pair of her tits (my tits) on the fooking public forum bit for everyone to have a good old ogle lol. I was like shit, i don't want every tom dick or harry checking out my birds tits and quickly rang the other side of the world to tell the fkin doughout. It was about 4am in the UK at the time so i woke her up and told her what had happened, got her password etc and went into her profile to delete them. After deleting said pics i double checked that everything was sorted and then noticed that her norks were also posted in a bloody album, fml i thought what a tool, i was pissing myself laughing. I obv logged back on and deleted those puppies aswell. Good thing is it was late UK time so i dont think many people saw them, good job i logged on that afternoon imo otherwise a load of her mates and mine were in for a suprise.

The second LOL moment happened only yesterday in Wellington. Since that rookie mistake from Kels i have since received 3 or 4 rather nice snaps of her and so she had asked me if i'd send her a pic of my 12 inchays. One night in Chirstchurch i took a pic of my purple headed warrior on my iphone but didnt bother to send and again kinda forgot about it and grabbed some shut eye. That was about three days ago but i was somewhat unfortunately reminded of the pic of my erect penis when i was busy showing Scotch a few snaps of Oriental Bay Beach on my iphone where i had previously been on a short morning run in Wellington. Obv you know whats coming but whilst scanning through the pics on my mob up pops my erected knob nicely sandwiched between a pic of the beach in Wellington and some earlier taken pics of Barrytown, looooooool. Another bloody rookie mistake, this time by yours truelay. I mean yes i do have a beautifully shaped cock but i'm sure its not something Scotch wanted to see whilst having his morning porridge. Sigh, it was a proper comedy moment and me and Scotchay just kinda laughed it off, i'm sure he wants to erase that image for the rest of his life tbh. Just a good job it was Scotch who saw my 12 inches and not my mum or summat. I shudder at the thought tbh, i can just imagine showing my mom my holdiay snaps. This is me in Barrytown mom, this is me in Wellington, there's the beach, oh and there's a pic of my knob, been a while since you last saw that aye, has it changed much? FMMFL, haha.

Bungeeee

2010-04-01T12:49:00.006Z

So far behind on this blog atm but had to post this pic. Done a Nevis Bungy Jump in Queenstown, NZ this morn. Shit my pants but fkin loved it, an amazing buzz! Weeeee

Bit annoyed with myself that i havent kept on top of this blog although i have made notes on everywhere i have been so will be writing retrospective blogposts like i have done previously. Since Coolngatta I stayed in Byron Bay for four nights then spent two nights in Port Macquarie before staying a night in Newcastle for a Prodigy concert. We then spent one night at Kenn's place in Avoca Beach and then done six nights in Sydney before flying to New Zealand where we have been to Christchurch, Kaikoura, Picton, Nelson, Abel Tasmen, Barrytown, Franz Josef, Makarora and Queenstown. I fking love travelling its the bollocks and the last ten weeks have been some of the best of my life.

However it looks like ill be home 3-4 wks early. Reason being is we dont need 9 weeks in NZ plus Scotch is very skint, i've also done my brains in paying for mortgage and bills in England and also money to live whilst on travels like accom food etc for starters. Barely played a single hand aswell so need to earn plus i miss Kels and he misses Natalia. Plan will prob be to see see how things pan out with me and Kels for next 6 months and hopefully play and make money from pokes. If the poker dont work out then fml i'll get a job. If me and Kels dont work out but i'm still earning a gd wage from teh pokay then good bye England and if neither work out then fml fml fml i might do a bunge without the rope, laters!

EDIT: Few more snaps from my bungy, lol @ the pic of me bricking it pre jump, haha....

Coolngatta

2010-03-23T09:08:00.002Z

Quick post i wrote about a month ago.....
The only reason we stopped off at Coolngatta was because the QuickSilver Pro and Roxy Surfing Championship were going on at the time which saw the Worlds elite men and women competing for the title. If anyone knows anything about surfing (which I didn’t before this trip) the likes of Mick Fanning, Kelly Slater, Andy Irons and Stephanie Gilmore etc were all competing. The surf took place at a part of the beach called Snapper Rocks which is apparently world renowned and it was fkin amazing and pretty cool to be able to stand their and witness these professional do what their famous for. The waves were sooo consistent it was almost like there was a wave machine pumping them out. They were barrelling all the time which meant the surfers were able to ride the tube of the wave. You’ve probably seen poster pics of this type of thing, its where the waves create a sort of hole and can look down the wave and see the surfer inside it. It’s a poor description but you might be able to see wtf I’m on about if i get round to posting any pics.
We spent two days total in Coolngatta and stayed at a really clean hostel called Sands which is what we needed after Surf n Sun in Surfers Paradise but there isn’t much to do tbh. In the daytime we just minced around and watched the Surf although the weather was again pissing down with rain and in the evening we had a few drinks in the hostel bar, played a weee bit of pool with the lads from our dorm and I also took part in a fun Crab racing tourn but my Crab didn’t fkin move and I crashed out in the second Heat, sighaments. That’s pretty it from Coolngatta not a lot going on and if it werent from the surfing comp we would have blown it out. Feeling a bit ropee atm and done fk all exercise since Noosa, roll on Byron Bay…

Surfer's Paradise

2010-03-19T04:07:00.003Z

Surfer’s Paradise was probably the worst place we had been to so far imo, although it was still good experience I guess. Our three days spent in Surfers started badly and didn’t improve when for the first time on our entire trip i left Scotch in sole charge of hostel bookings and he booked us into some gaff called Trekkers in Southport which is apparently the worst part of Surfers Paradise and an abs mission to the main town and beach, nice goin Scotch. On the first day I think we had a short scout round the main town and then chilled in the hostel where I got a load of shit done online and spent a few hrs chatting to Kels on Skype. One funny incident similar to the experience in Noosa with the bird blonde and the old deaf dude occurred online that night. I’m sat on the top bunk with my lappy and Scotch has past out early doors in the bed below and was basically letting out loadsa quiet smelly farts whilst asleep, fml. Were the only two in the rooms and obviously the next people to walk into the dorms are gonna take one whiff and look at me. After about 20 mins of Scotch sleep excreting these silent but deadly aromas two Germans bird walk in, sighhhhhhhhhh FMMFL!!! Much like the Noosa experience in my head I’m like no no nooooooo, its not me letting rip its that smelly ginger cunt below me! The German birds then start chatting away in their native language and I just know they are calling me a smelly bastard or something along those lines. After a bout 30 more mins of Scotch farting in his sleep another of my new room mates comes into the room and I quickly make the point of telling him to turn the fan on near his bed because of the smell but I don’t think the German birds took any notice and the damage was done, die Scotch DIE!

The next two days were spent at Sun n Surf which was right next to the beach and about a 5 min walk to the town’s centre. In the afternoon we took another surf lesson but this turned out to be pointless as the conditions were terrible especially for beginners like ourselves. The wind, waves and redic strong undercurrent made it almost impossible to even paddle out let alone catch a wave. I did somehow manage to catch two waves at the beginning of the lesson but it was too tough and a waste of money tbh as I’d learnt fk all. In the evening we went out on a big bar crawl with all the other hostels from Surfers. It was a decent ish night, we chatted to a bunch of peeps from our hostel and spent a bit of time with these Dannish birds in the first three of the four night clubs on the crawl. I think one of the Danes wanted a piece of the Amatation but she was a bit on the plump side and although that hasn’t always stopped me in the past I just wasn’t interested. I think she lost interest by the time we got to the 4th club as well and so had me n Scotch tbh. It was like oh another club, great! A night club is a night club at the end of the day and doing four in one night was a bit zzzzz. Surfers Paradise was basically just a bunch of bars/nightclubs/shops and dirty munching places like KFC, McD’s and BK’s. It reminded me of those holidays I’ve been on in the past like Magaluf, Malia and Zante etc, you know the ones I’m talking about? Those holidays where u get wankered every night, dance your tits off in a few bars/clubs and try and pull anything with a pulse and either get lucky or get a kebab (usually the latter) and then die the next day and then repeat.

The following day we woke up with small hangovers and poor old Scotch had again been viciously attacked by the mozzays, it was fkin sick and I felt a bit gutted for him. The hostel was really shit tbh, actually it wasn’t necessarily the hostel it was the room the cunts put us in. We were basically staying in the hostel staff/store room which was like a filthy sweat box and that coupled with terrible weather kinda spoiled the next few days. Surfers was just another experience on our trip, one of many and I’m glad I was here but It’s not a place I will miss much at all. Next up a place called Coolngatta….
EDIT! Also been to Byron Bay, Port Macquarie, Newcastle, Kennl's and Sydney since this.post so obv waaay behind on this gay blog of mine. In New Zealand atm, landed in Christchurch yesterday.

Brisbane

2010-03-13T13:26:00.003Z

We stayed 2 nights total in Brisbane at a hostel called Bunk which was probably one of the nicest we had slept at since the beginning of the trip. A lot of backpackers we had spoken to on our travels pretty much slated Brisbane but I really liked it, its up there with Melbourne imo. I mean yeh there’s loadsa big tall buildings and no beach etc but what do you expect it’s a city ffs. If you take time to have a proper look around the city instead of just writing it off its actually a beautiful place.
On the first of our two days there me and Scotch went on a monster walk through the city, to the Southbank and alongside the Brisbane river and the Botanic Gardens. Like I just said it was beautiful and the walk would have been quite a romantic one had I’d been walking alongside Kels and not the Scotch, its all good thou. In the evening we chilled at the hostel bar with Lisa and Christina, another kraut we met in Agnes Water and played some cards which involved a few small forfeits. I had to swap my t-shirt with Lisa’s vest after we both lost at shithead, theres a pic of me with Lisa on fb looking very camp.
On the second day we went on this free tour of Brisbane which was guided by this lovely ozzy girl called Lucy. I would have given an arm to rump this bird she was fucking lush. The tour was much better than I thought and Lucy took us to places we hadn’t seen the previous day and also provided us with some of the history of the city as well as some funny stories. Later that day me and Scotch had a swim at the lagoon on Southbank is basically a man made beach much like the one at Airlie Beach, it’s a cool place but the weather was a bit tez. In the evening we started off at the hostel bar for a free BBQ and Scotch attempted to win a free surf lesson by munching 2 dry Weetabix. Despite managing to eat the first one quicker than his two opponents Scotchy unfortunately finished in last place, sigh. Later in the night we met up with Lisa and Julia in the Down Under Bar for a boogay woogay and the night was a good crack but ended prematurely. That pretty much sums up Brisbane as we only planned to do the 2 days, next stop Surfer’s Paradise…

Noosa

2010-03-11T01:06:00.004Z

Onto a place called Noosa now and I think we spent 7 days there in total with the first two of those being at a hostel called Dolphins which was decent enough. The only things that I can remember during this time was hiring a board out for half a day for my second surf attempt which was tough because the boards were not suited to a beginner and checking out the main town and beach and also Sunshine Beach located near the hostel which looked as thou it had some monster gnarly waves going on. Other than then we just chilled at the hostel with a few other randoms, played alittle table tennis and just generally minced.

On our third day we moved to a place called Noosa Backpackers where we again hooked up with the two lovely Canadian girls from WhitSundays and Agnes Waters. This hostel was much better than Dolphins imo and was located alongside a beautiful Marina. On one day me and Scotch hired a small shitty boat for three hrs and went fishing. For the first hour or so it was like being with a small child as Scotch was pretty clueless when it came to the art of angling. The plum caught the floor and the anchor/boat about 4 or 5 times and I had untangle his rod and reel on a couple of occasions before the he could manage a few little crappy casts himself, bless. Oh yeh I forgot to mention I also managed to steer the boat into a tree but I wont go into any details accept to say it was Scotch's fault obv. We both managed to catch one fish each which is two more than I thought given the first 45 minutes of angling/helping Cooks with his rod. On one afternoon we also paid for another surf lesson and this is where things started to click. The geezer was called Steve and because the morning weather was sooo tez he only had 3 bookings, me, Scotchs and some Scottish bird called Claire who was sound. That afternoon the sun came out and although the waves were fairly big and messy I learnt sooo much more from Steve than I did from geezer in Agnes Waters. We surfed on the main beach near Noosa Woods and I managed to pull off my best wave yet catching a wave all the way into the beach. We also hired a board on a couple of other occasions whilst at this Hostel as it was free and tried our luck at a place called Little Cove but the waves were really flat so it was pretty shit.

After one of these crappy surf mornings we randomly hooked up with one of Scotchs old school mates Dan who moved out here a few yrs ago. He took us to a place called Coolum Beach for fish n chips. I’ll always remember this particular beach because it was covered in jelly fish, there where hundreds of these little blue ones and a shit load of these much larger brown things, really weird.

Another highlight from these five days was a walk around Noosa National Park along the coast line where we saw numerous different beaches and some cool wildlife. The heat was incred that day and we spotted a couple of Koala Bears and this nutter Lace Monitor Reptile which just stepped out in front of us whilst labouring along the pathways. I’ve always had a thing for Lizards and I used to keep them as a kid so I really enjoyed this moment. We got as far as a beach called Alexradra Bay which apparently is a nude beach although we didn’t know it at the time (FML) before heading back.

I managed two decent runs alongside Pelican Beach on the Marina in the morning and on most evenings nights we just chilled in the lounge/bar for a few hrs chatting to Canada and a few other randoms. We also spent a small amount of time with a couple of Germans birds, Julia and Lisa, We first met Lisa in Airlie Beach and then again in Agnes Waters and bumped into her again in Noosa, she was one of those birds who was funny but didn’t know it.

Quick couple of funny stories whilst sleeping in the dorms before I wrap this one up. On one morning I woke up and this blonde yank with a cracking bod but dodegy boatrace from our room was having a shower and this random old deaf dude (not Scotch) walked in on her whilst she was taking her shower. I tried to warn the cunt but like I said he’s deaf. Anyways the deaf dude goes downstairs and I wake up as blondey gets out of the shower and she gives me the dirtest look ever staring at me like im like some filfthay perv which I suppose I am tbh but on this occasion I was not guiltay! Honestly if looks could kill I’d be a dead man babay, her eyes were like daggers. In my head im thinking NOOOOOOO, it wasn’t me, IT WAS’NT ME, no no no lol. Later that day I had to approach her and explain to her and express my innocence and she was like yeh I know it wasn’t you and that the other bloke had done it a few times. I guess her look of disgust was just a consequence of the dirty deaf dude and was not aimed at me.

The other little funny occurred the following night when I could hear a couple of people rumping in the single room next to me. It woke me up in the early hrs and the noise was sooo fkin loud that I had to listen for a good 1 hr and 40 mins, jokes. Actually it did take me about 20 odd mins to return to my beautay sleep. All I could hear was slap slap slap, arrrrgh arrrrrrrgh arrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrgh, this bitch was taking a pounding and she seemed to be enjoying it. You get those random birds some times when you bang don’t ya. You don’t really do anything different and you use all the same smooth moves as u have done in the past with another girl but you get the occasional really loud bird who screams the house down and you end up feeling like some sort of super hero.
Right, I think I’ll wrap this post up now as I’m starting to waffle and chat shit more than normal, next post Brisbane…
Shit, was gonna upload pics but its not working, i'll do it another time. laters.
EDIT: Also been to Surfer's Paradise, Coolngatta, Byron Bay, Port Macquarie and Newcastle since writing this shit. Goin to see my 'hero' today..... Kennl.

Fraser Island

2010-03-07T00:17:00.001Z

Right fish time for a Fraser Island post now where shall I start?? Errr this little trip was basically a 4 day thing consisting of a 3 day 2 night self drive camping adventure on the largest sand island in the world which was both funny and somewhat dangerous at the same time. I saw some amazing views and experienced some beautiful places but this was not without a small degree of stress…
Me and Scotchay got the Greyhound coach at 6am from Agnes Waters to a place called Rainbow Beach and stayed at a hostel called Fraser’s on Rainbow. The hostel was complete tezza and this is where we kipped the night before the camping and the night after. There’s fk all to do in Rainbow tbh its just a kinda holding place before the camping adventure on Fraser Island. The only good thing about the hostel was this group a beautifully coloured Parakeets flying around the surrounding area.
On the first afternoon myself and Scotch were joined in the hostel bar/lounge by all the other peeps who were going on the same trip for some compulsory safety bollocks which was conducted by this hippy geezer called Luke. Luke was funny as fk and the chat about safety was just a token gesture to comply with government rules n regs etc. There where 27 people in total and Luke split us into three groups of nine peeps per four wheel drive. Me and Scotch were joined by a German couple called Gwen and Heinrich, two other krauts called Hedda and Carina, a young English bloke called Jamie and wait for it….. two Dutch birds called Simone and errrrrrrr Fanny! I knew I was guareenteed to meet fanny whilst in Oz I thought to myself, both quality and ironic I think you’ll agree J Later in the evening I got to know Fanny and the rest of my new best mates a little better in the hostel bar before turning in for the night.
Up early doors the next day and me and my new gang of four dirtay Krauts, two Dutch birds with stupid names, one random kid from the UK and some clumsay, messy ginger coount who is at times an absolutee liability (that’s Scotch btw) had to check all our camping gear to make sure it was all there and working correctly etc before heading off to the garage where some fat Ozzy dude gave us a lecture on the do’s and don’ts and briefly told us how to drive a 4WD on the beach and over rough inland terrain, [ ] the demonstration helped a lot.
We set off mid afternoon ish and Heinrich was the initial driver as everyone was pretty reluctant to get the ball rolling. We had six drivers in total btw, me, the 4 Krauts and Simone. First up we drove onto the Mantaray barge via a small piece of beach which took us across the sea from Rainbow onto Fraser Island and then along this really rough track to the main beach and it quickly became clear that driving wasn’t exactly a piece of piss, it was fucking dangerous. Once we overcame the bumpy drive to the main beach Heinrich drove along a stretch of the beach before yours truly took control of the wheels as it was evident that no one else fancied it and nor did I tbh especially as my driving abilitays mirror that of the poker skills of my mate Adam “I’ve had more busted rolls than I’ve had wanks” Bell.
Driving on the sand wasn’t easy and took a weee bit of time getting used to, you can quickly lose traction and its obviously uneven at times so I had to use all my powers of concentration. After the beach drive I had to turn inland to a small town called Eurong the then up and down this really rough track for about 1 hour to Lake Mckenzie, fuck me this was tough! It was a wicked new experience for me and I got a bit of a buzz and an adrenaline rush out of it but it was also fooking stressful. I had to look after 8 other human beings aswell as myself albeit four of those being fithy Germans.
The driving was hard work and quite tiring tbh but it was well worth it when we got to our first destination because Lake McKenzie was absolutely incredible. Its looks like a beach from a Caribbean Island or summat but there are obv no waves. It’s a pure fresh water lake and you could just swim about the place gulping down the water as I did and its pretty much like drinking Evian from out of a bottle.
After our chill out at the lake Henirich drove into the bush (not fanny’s) to a place called Woolangba creek for a short bush walk which was really noisy because of this sort of srceeching sound created by the insects in the trees, it was like nothing I’ve ever heard before. We strolled around this place for about 20 minutes which was pretty cool before heading to our first nearby camp site where we put up our tents and got dins dins on the go. Its amazing how quickly it got dark and we ended up cooking/eating in pitch black conditions lol. It was only around 7pm but it felt more like 11ish. After the munch we hooked up with peeps from the other two groups and basically got a little mezzy and played a few games etc. It was an ok night but could have been better if some people where a little more crazy and drunk.
Next day we were up about 6am to pack up all our shit and then headed back to Lack McKenzie for a wash/mince in the lake before Simone drove us back along the same redic rough ‘road’ that I had driven along the night before. Tbf the girl done good, however the other three birds where fking shit. Whilst on the beach heading to a place called Eli Creek the three them took turns in driving along the main beach for a few mins for a token gesture ‘I drove a 4WD on the beach alongside the sea’ complete with a holiday snap of them attempting to control the vehicle. Carina done ok but fking Hedda almost rolled the bloody thing when changing her mind at the last second and steering too sharply and Gwen decided to do what I can only describe as an emergency stop in deep sand on a huge open stretch of main beach and obviously got us stuck, wp Gwen. Once Scotch, Jamie and myself ( Mr Hulk hands) pushed the vehicle out of the deep stuff Heinrich drove us to Eli Creek. This was a nice little fresh water stream which ran from an inland area across the main beach and into the sea, it was kinda like the rapids you get at some swimming pools and water park type places, fk knows how its created? After bathing in the unique conditions at Eli Creek Heinrich drove us to a place called Indian Head where the views where spectacular, (see pics).
After checking out these views we had to quickly get back to the second camp site because of the incoming tide. I reluctantly offered to drive as Henirich had already done his fair share and no one else wanted the job. It was a bit of mission getting to the camp site which was situated between Eli Creek and a rusty old shipwreck called Maheno but we all got there in one piece. However, just as we approached the camp site we spotted one of the other groups in a bit of trouble. Their motor had dangerously got stuck close to the incoming tide and there key had snapped off in the door so they were proper fked. Our group helped push them to safety and they got someone out the next day to sort out the key situation. That incident sort of helped the two groups bond a bit more and the second night turned out to be much better than the first as a consequence.
Again we set up camp and cooked/ate in darkness, Scotchy actually cooked up some nice grub that night with limited cooking utenlises. I remember one comedy/almost embarressing moment when Fanny bent over to swat a fly and Scotch jokingly placed an empty plate on her back whilst dishing up and I nearly put my foot in it by almost uttering the words, ‘yeah good idea Scotch lets all eat our dinner off fanny’ without thinking lol, some how I managed to stop myself and prevent an awkward moment. The only shit thing about the early part of the night were these redicously large horseflies which were flying about all over the place. These motherfuckers werent your normal flies these fuckers were like flies on steriods, they were fooking massive and when bitten by one they actually drew blood. I had a few chunks of flesh missing myself by about 7pm, proper nasty fuckers they were. Luckily these bastards seem to disappear by about 7.30 but the other irriatating thing where the mosquitoes which stayed out all night. I didn’t get bitten too much as I don’t think they liked my cooked meat too much but Scotch’s fresh milky skin got chewed the fk out of lol (see pics). Aswell as the Horseflies and mozzays we also had to contend with the dingo’s which are abit like wild dogs only more dangerous although tbf they didn’t really give us any hassle. Actually it was kinda cool being surrounded by 4 or 5 Dingos at any one time and all you had to do was chase the bastards off if they got too near. BTW Scotch is gonna write a one off special guest post about his experiences with the Horseflies, mozays and dingo’s when he needed to take a dirty wet dump in the Austalian bush, its fking hilarios and I think only he can do it justice tbh.
After munching most of us got on the booze and the drinking games were a lot more rowdy this night with the main one being the fuck game. I can’t be bovved to explain the rules but I kept fking up partly because im a retard and partly because I was semi ball bagged. However, I quickly sharpened up my act when the forfeit was no longer a drink but an item of clothing espeically as I was only wearing two items and I fked up early doors meaning I had to swap one of my items, my t-shirt with Fanny and a double fk up meant losing an item. One thing I’ll never forget about this night was the clearness of the night skies it was even better than WhitSunday and that was amazing. The skies are basically sooo clear because there is almost zero light coming off the Island. You could also see two separte storms in the distance, it was something pretty special.
I don’t think we crashed until about 3am and I shared a tent with the two Dutch girls as I had done the previous night. One of the dutch birds Simone was kinda trying it on with me earlier on in the night but by the time we all ended up in the tent the Dutch girls where proper drunk and were both puking up into this cup, luuuuvely. Two girls, one cup……loadsa sick, great!! I had to shine the torch about outside to check for approaching Dingo’s whislt they took turns vommitting, [ ] it was awesome.
On the the third and final day we had to be up super early (5.30am) to avoid the incoming tide to get to a place called Lake Wabby. However, because everyone got sooo bagged up we didn’t leave until about 7.30am and got stranded at Eli Creek. I guess there is a lot worst place to be stuck but we missed out on Lake Wabby and had to wait for the tide to go back out before driving back to the mantra ray barge where I saw Dolphins and then back to the garge. Later in the evening we had a group meal back on Rainbow Beach at that shit hostel and then me and Scotch were up early doors the next day for a nice little run on Rainbow Beach before getting the Greyhound to a place called Noosa. I’ll write about this place in the next blog as this has turned out to be a mammoth post. I’ve also been to Brisbane, Surfers Paradise and Coolngatta aswell since Noosa and im in Bryon Bay atm, fun times! Laters.

Agnes Waters

2010-02-26T12:39:00.007Z

Waaaaay behind on this blog, sry fish i really need to keep ontop of it. Since my last post i've spent time in Agnes Water, Rainbow Beach, Fraser Island, Noosa, Brisbane and i arrived in Surfers Paradise today, i'll write a bit about Agnes Waters now and see how it goes...

Agnes Water or 1770 as its often referred to is a small surf town and we basically visited this place just so we weren't stuck on the Greyhound coach for 17 hrs between Airlie Beach and Rainbow beach just to break the journey up a little. We were joined by the Canadian girls Kelly and Brittany and also hooked up with two cool blokes in our room called Mike and Kyle. The hostel we stayed at was called Southern Cross and it was beautiful, one of my favourite hostels so far. Its very different from the normal type of hostel and was set in a woodland area, a really cool place. The first day we got there we had a stroll around the tiny village area which was covered in Moths and then we went for a monster (for me) run from the hostel to Agnes beach then had a swim and jogged back. Because Scotch is a lot fitter/dumber than me he steamed off on the way back to the hostel and managed to get lost even though it was just one long straight road, wp Scotch. In the evening we had a few chill out beers/drinking games (blowjobs for the boys and shockers for the girls - long story) with Canada, Kyle, Mike and a few other random peeps in a place called the Tavern.
Next day we went surfing in the morning and it was fucking hard, really good fun but blooday frustrating as well. The waves were pretty good and i managed to get to my feet a handful of times before falling off. In the afternoon/evening we just chilled by the hostel pool for a bit, played some table pool which was interrupted by a preying Mantis landing on one of the balls and i also gave Mr Scotch a caning in the art of tarble tennis. Later in the night we had a bit of a camp fire going and ate marsh mellows whilst watching about 10-15 big fuck off Cane Toads eating moths (there's shit loads of these mofo's in 1770) and other insects. I love all the beastays out here in Oz, seen so many strange and colourful insects/fish/animals/birds etc, love all that stuff.
That will do for now. I've also decided to amend my previous two posts about Melbourne and Whitsunday. I kinda feel like i am rushing my posts a bit tbh and i don't wanna miss out the small details like the people i meet and the small funny stories etc so i'm gonna take my time more from now on. Still need to write about the other places i mentioned at the start of this post, will do that soon. Uploaded loadsa pics onto my Facebook album so if anyone really gives a shit check em out or add me on fb. Here are a few snaps from Agnes Waters, laters.

Whitsundays

2010-02-09T13:45:00.007Z

I had the most amazing 30th b'day (30 yrs old, FML) ever cruising around the Whit Sundays which are basically a group of topical islands on the east coast of oz. Firstly we flew from Melbourne to Hamilton Island and then got a water taxi to a place called Airlie Beach, where we stayed for 3 nights at a hostel called Beaches for 3 days before our cruise. The hostel is decent and we have pretty much been chilling out at the Lagoon during the day and going to the hostel bar in the evening. I also managed one really tough 6km run in redic heat from the lagoon to Cannonvale Beach via Biccentential walkaway. On the Saturday we boarded the BroomStick Cruise boat with 21 other boys n gals and 3 crew members and captain. On the first day we sailed around a few of the islands and done some really good snorkeling although the best was yet to come. In the evening most of the ship played drinking games and got a little ball bagged basically getting to know each other a bit better, it was a good night.

The Sunday was my 30th b'day and turned out to be a pretty perfect day. It kicked off with a visit to White Haven beach where I swam with Stingrays and small sharks. White Haven has been voted one of the best beaches in the world and was truly incredible, a really amazing place. I had time for a good walk around taking in the breath taking sites and also saw a Giant Turtle swimming on the way back to the boat. In the Afternoon i experienced some of the most mind blowing snorkeling ever, the conditions were perfect and the coral and wide array of fishays i saw was again absolutely amazing. In the evening we watched the sunset and had more beers, gd banter and a bit of star gazing. Supposedly the Whit Sundays are one of the best places to watch the stars and the night skies were sooo clear that night.

On the Monday morning we done some more snorkeling albeit a bit shit because of a storm the night before and also witnessed our captain call out a Eagle from the mountains to take a piece of bread my under his very nose. He basically used some sort of whistle and had been doing the same thing since 1994! You had to be there to really understand what i mean, again it was pretty amazing stuff. I also got to sail the ship which was a nice touch and we got back to Airlie Beach at midday on the Monday. On Monday night most of us met at Beaches for beers beers beers. I ended up getting old of some Irish bird who was on our boat although i couldn't bring myself to take it any further than a sloppy snog lol. I just didnt fancy her enough and have decided to only do that sort of shit now if i really like the bird, i kinda feel like a cheated on Kels tbh even thou i'm single, its fked up. Met tons of really nice people on the ship, it had a really nice vibe and a few of us have exchanged contact details. In fact myself and Scotch our travelling with two cool Canadian birds tomo night to our new destination.

We stayed two more nights at Airlie Beach which has been a bit of a fuck up but we get the Greyhound coach to a town called 1770 at Agnes Waters tomo night where we plan to stay for about 2 days/nights and get some surfing lessons. The plan after that will be something like Frasers Island, Sunshine Coast (to see Kennl) Brisbane, Gold Coast, Surfers Paradise, Bryon Bay, Newcastle and then Sydney before jetting off to New Zealand for 2 month, fun times although i am doing my bollocks in out here and have only been travelling for 3 weeks total so far.

G'day Fishays!

2010-02-05T09:32:00.006Z

Right, I've kinda been putting off making this post because i just haven't been up for logging on and blogging as I've been busy in Melbourne for the last two wks, can't blame me really Apologises if this post seems a bit rushed but happy hour starts in the bar in 30 mins :-) I'm just gonna try and do some quickish reports on the places i have seen and the things i have done complete with a few pics.

Melbourne Park, Eureka SkyDeck, Federation Sq, Crown Casino
After a redic long flight, Gatwick-Dubai-Singapore-Melbourne the first main thing we done was to catch a few matches at the Australian Tennis Open in Melbourne Park. Me and Scotch managed to upgrade our ground passes to the Hisense Arena where we watched Justin Henin-Hardene and Andy Murray win their 3rd round matches which was pretty cool as they both eventually made the final. We also spent a fair amount of time just sun bathing at Fed sq where people just generally chill out and watch the Tennis on a big screen, it has a really nice happy feel about the place.
I think the day after the tennis we went to the top the Eureka SkyDeck which is the largest building in the Southern Hemisphere. It has some amazing views in the day although i wasn't that impressed with it at night. Also checked out the South Bank and the Crown Casino the same day. Again i wasn't overly impressed with the casino although i guess when you have been to Vegas a few times everything else seems a bit shit. Saw plenty of famous fish grinding like Gus Hansen, Howeee Lederer and Durrr etc and also bumped into Shame Warne a couple of times.

Great Ocean Rd, Phillips Island
Great Ocean Rd was incred, we done a day tour but i wished we had done it over 2-3 days now, its amazing. Saw Bells Beach which most fish will know from the film Point Break and also saw The 12 Apostle's. Deffo the best $100 bucks i think i've ever spent tbh, better than the hundo i jizzed off playing $2/5 the night before in the crown anyways. Also spent a short amount of time at a place called Mate's Rest which was a small piece of this prehistoric rain forest, absolutely incred. Phillips Island was wicked too, i hand fed some Kangaroo's and emu's lol, also saw wild Penguins coming out of the sea and Koala bears as well. The highlight of that trip was when me and Scotchy went swimming at Cape Wollamang Beach, the waves were awesome, sooo powerful, loved it!

St Kilda, Flemington Park
We spent a total of one week in Melbourne City Centre before moving just outside the City to a place called St Kilda for a further week. St Kilda was alot more relaxed than the City but it was still wicked and we ended up meeting alot more people here. The beach was ok, the shops, cafes and bars were quite funky plus they had this cool little night market on a Thurs night.,I'll miss St Kilda. We also spent one nice afternoon with a couple of other lads called Jonny and Damien at Flemington races, really hot day and i managed to bink a couple races for a gd lil profit which more than paid for the day ;-)

Hostels, Bars, Jogs
I was a bit shocked at our first Hostel in the City called Flinders Back Packers as i guess i had no idea what too expect tbh. It was pretty dirty and cramped but location wise it was heaven. Our hostel at St Kilda was called Base and will probably turn out to be the best one we see on our entire trip, it was really nice.
Not really been that ball bagged on this trip which is kinda gd and bad for different reasons. Couple of bars i remember especially were called Joint Bar and Red Eye which were basically our hostels bars at Flinders and Base. I'm sure i had my drink spiked or summat strange happened at the Joint Bar because the next day i woke up my hands and feet had massively swollen up, my chubby checks were 3 times the size as usual and i had some crazy crossed eyed shit going on, i was a fkin mess. Oh yeah, i also had swollen lips aswell, fml. I only realised whilst sleeping off my hangover at Fed Sq when Scotch pointed out my incredible hulk hands, and it was then i also noticed my fat ankles and newly acquired Frank Bruno lips. My face always bloats after a few bevs anyways and i usually get some cross eyed shit goin on but fk knows what the deal was with the hands, lips and ankles, it took me 2 days to recover from that one lol. Spent lots of evening at Red Eye aswell, real gd vibe and met some nice peeps etc.
Whilst i've been here as gay as it sounds i've also been on some awesome runs to maintain my 'fitness' running alongside the Yarra River which is beautiful and also between St Kilda and a place called Elwood on a route called Bay Trail.

After having experienced this Backpackers stuff for only 2 wks i really wished i had done it about 5 yrs ago and also realise that i could have easily done it on my own. Although i am not old i'm no spring chicken anymore either and i'm probably in the top 10% age wise out here with the av age being around 25 ish i reckon, its all good though. I should probably be doing this with Kels aswell tbh and i know Scotch misses his bird shit loads too. Nevermind, i got the the next best thing my good old mate Scotchy, although he doesn't give as gd a bloway as Kels does. The big life decisions will come when i get back to the UK in 14 wks as to whether i settle back in the UK or continue travelling as i kinda have the bug now, time will time i guess. Atm i'm at a place called Airlie Beach after flying from Melbourne to Hamilton Island a few days ago. I'm going on a 2 day 2 night cruise around the Whit Sundays tomorrow and will post about that another time, laters.

EDIT: Will put the pics on this post very soon